“Sounds like high school.”
“By high school, I was into fisting.”
He burst out laughing.His coffee spilled, and he mopped it up with his napkin.He had a nice laugh.I wondered when the last time was that I’d heard him laugh.
“I think it’s okay if you take a day off,” he said.“You’ve been running yourself into the ground.Why don’t you have a nice, lazy day around the house?Catch up on sleep.Watch some TV.”
“Porn.”
“I think your body needs the rest.”
“Sure,” I said.“I’ll have a nice, relaxing morning.And then by noon, I’ll be ready to blow my brains out.”
He was reaching for my plate when I said it.He took the plate, stacked it with his own, and laid his hands flat on the table.
“I know,” I said.
He picked up his napkin, the one that was damp with coffee, and set it on the top plate.
The coffee tasted too bitter now.I rubbed my eyes.
Finally, I said, “I’m an asshole.”
He picked up the plates and went to the sink.As he ran the water from the faucet, he said, “If you’re thinking about hurting yourself.”
I went to my room.
From the kitchen came the sounds of Darnell cleaning up.A little more splashing than usual.The thump of cabinet doors closed too hard.The cast iron clanging when he knocked it against the sink.
This was why I had a line of guys around the block wanting to wake up next to me.
Eventually, Darnell finished.The house was silent for a few minutes.And then his familiar tread moved toward my room.He stopped in the doorway.
“I’m going to run some errands.”
I nodded.
“I get upset when you talk about hurting yourself.”
“I shouldn’t have said it.”
“Are you okay if I leave?I don’t want to leave if you’re in distress.”
“God, Darnell, it was a joke.”
The words rebounded off his stiff silence.And then he said, “I’m glad you think this is all so funny.”
He didn’t slam the front door, but he closed it pretty damn hard.
I heard him start his car, and then the sound of the engine moved away.In its absence, the house was full of a staticky quiet.The air felt like it was charged, and a low, restless hiss registered at the threshold of my hearing.It was probably partly the sound of blood in my ears and partly the sound of the air conditioning, but it felt like the air was charged.Like the house was about to blow.
I was an asshole.Big surprise.
But he didn’t have to take everything so personally.
I went around and around on that for a while until I decided if I didn’t find something to do, I really was going to blow my brains out.
I got up.I walked around.There wasn’t anythingtodo.Darnell had cleaned up the mess that the deputies had left.The breakfast dishes were done.There wasn’t any laundry to start.I could go to the gym, but it had been a while.I could go for a run, but it was hot.Porn and jacking off sounded great in theory, but my dick didn’t seem interested.Weed sounded better, but I really didn’t want to fuck up a drug test.I mean, fuck it up any more than I probably already had.If—
