Page 48 of Clint & Ivy
IVY
Clint’s family wasso beautiful and lively. I felt overwhelmed, but in a good way. I was surrounded by these fun, welcoming people. Clint kept touching me. His affection made me feel sexy and strong. I wanted to grab hold of this new opportunity.
Then, something broke inside me as Ford and Shay teased each other. I saw myself with Clint in thirty years. I imagined our own kids and home. That dream felt possible.
But it was also too much. Their warmth and familiarity made me feel like an outsider.
Suddenly, I was Ivy Humphreys with the troubled family. I had all this baggage. I was sick and needed to hide from the world. The real me was a loser. That person couldn’t keep Clint’s interest.
My laughter sounded maniacal. I felt panicked, like when the men showed up at the house. Everything went so quickly from quiet to loud. I thought I could hide from danger. I went to my room, locked the door, and thought I was safe. That was the Ivy I was then and the one I was now.
My laughter turned to sobs. I wanted so badly to be like these people. For a moment outside, with Clint touching my tattoo and the others seeming so impressed, I thought the wild part of me could become more than a temporary mood I embraced.
Except none of that was true. Soon, Clint would realize I was fake. It’d be just like when that cool girl ghosted me after I embarrassed her by puking after the tattoo. No matter how much I tried to pretend I was normal, I always gave myself away.
“Clint, let me,” Shay said when I dropped my ass to the ground and cried in my hands. “I have a mama’s touch. You’ll just make her horny.”
Ford nodded. “She isn’t wrong, son.”
Shay’s arms wrapped around my body, tugging me against her. She wasn’t a big woman, but everyone was bigger than me. I felt small and fragile. My mom’s voice returned to me.
“You’re sick. You can’t be like other people. If you push yourself too hard, your heart will give out. Then, where will I be?”
My mom wasn’t a monster, but something broke inside her when she had me. I wasn’t what she dreamed I would be. My mother’s disappointment made me cry harder.
My family was gone. Uncle Linus might as well be dead. He was out of my life now. Uncle Dwight had died alone, just like my mom.
If I tried to be like the foxes, I’d also end up dead. Geraldine was right. I was fragile.
I hadn’t cried like this since my mom’s death. I forgot how exhausting it was. Soon, I fell silent and rested my head against Shay’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled as she handed me a tissue.
“It’s difficult starting over. I had a lot of help when I moved here, but I was still overwhelmed.”
Feeling selfish, I twisted around so I could hug her longer. As Shay wrapped me tighter, I pretended her arms could keep me safe from the realities of the world.
The heaviness in my chest eased as Shay stroked my head. I missed my mom, even if our relationship had been dysfunctional.
After hiding against Shay for what felt like too long, I opened my eyes and found Clint squatting in front of us. His beautiful gaze made me believe he was worried rather than angry.
“I was alone for too long,” I explained. “I’ve talked to more people today than I have in the last ten years.”
“Do you want me to tell them to back off?”
“No, I want you to make me strong enough to handle it.”
Clint grinned. “Well, I don’t know how to do that.”
“Boss me around. Order me to get stronger.”
As Clint chuckled, Shay stroked my head. “Clint doesn’t like playing the bad guy role,” she told me. “He prefers to manipulate people so they think they’re in control.”
Clint nodded. “That’s why the foxes follow me. Anyone who tried bossing around Elle and the rest of the foxes would suffer an all-out mutiny.”
