But on those other days… on the days she doesn’t eat and rereads all of her hate comments. Deletes her pretty pictures or changes her outfit.Thoseare the days she needs to love herself more, but until she can, I’ll love her enough for the both of us.
“I was doing so good.” She rips apart a piece of bread before tossing it into the basket. “I was eating multiple mealsevery day,and when I didn’t want to eat, I asked for help. I’d call my siblings to eat with me, and it didn’t feel so hard.”
I smile at how far she’s come, and I wish she’d call me when she needed help, but I’m glad she’s finally talking to someone.
“I haven’t even made myself throw up in a while, but then today happened, and it feels like such a huge setback.” She takes a bite of the bread in her hands, but I falter at her words.
“What?”
She turns to me, and she looks confused for a second before it hits her.
“I didn’t know you were making yourself throw up? When was this?” I pull away to look at her, but she avoids my eyes.
“I haven’t purged in a while.” She shakes her head. “I didn’t want to talk about it; my siblings knew, but… I just didn’t want to tell anyone else. It took a lot for me to simply tell them, so please don’t be mad–”
“I’m not mad that you didn’t tell me, Sage.”
Her eyes meet mine.
“I’m mad I didn’t notice. I’m mad at whatever I did that no longer made you feel comfortable enough to come to me or–”
“No, Liam. It had nothing to do with you.” She looks between my eyes, but I don’t say anything. “I promise… you’re the one who made me come to terms with my eating disorder. I just—I didn’t wantanyoneto know, and after I told my family, I didn’t have it in me to tell anyone else.”
I nod a few times and try to convince myself that this has nothing to do with me or the way I fucked up with her. Instead, I say what matters. “I’m so proud of how far you’ve come, Sage. Today wasn’t as big of a setback as you think, even though you skipped some meals. You acknowledging it is a big first step.”
She holds her head a bit higher as she nods to herself, and when the waiter comes, I smile proudly as she orders her food with grace. Even if she’s faking until she makes it, I know she’s going to get there eventually.She's got this.
When the food comes, she nods to herself a few times, convincing herself of whatever is on her mind, and I love how hard she’s trying.
“You’re doing so good.” I kiss the side of her face, and a small smile grows on her face as she turns to me.
“You know, it makes me feel so good when you say things like that.”
A smile touches my lips, and I remind myself to keep praising her. She takes a few small bites of her food, but after getting a taste of everything, she must realize that she’s hungry because she slowly eats more.
Jordan calls me, but I decline it, and then Sage's phone starts ringing. I roll my eyes but don’t waste my breath telling her not to answer because I’m sure she isn’t going to listen. “Hi, Jordan.”
“Hey, Sunshine. Is Liam there?”
She looks over at me, and I shake my head no, but when she forces a smile, I know she’s going to rat me out. “Of course, he is.” She flips the phone to me, and I roll my eyes at her before looking down at the phone.
“Tell me what happened!” Jordan is staring at me like I just escaped an insane asylum. “Coach just toremea new one because you hung up on him mid-lecture? Why am I always getting in trouble for your bad temper?”
“What is he talking about?” Sage looks between the two of us.
“Coach called me after I told him I was missing the next game, and you'renotgetting in trouble for my temper.” I'm in no way letting him take away this win from me. “I didn't even say anything to him.”
Sage looks as confused as Jordan as she watches me. “So what'd you do?”
“My therapist says I need to resort to different things when I'm anger, so I sat there in silence, and that worked for most of the call, but then he started pissing me off, so I put him on mute and yelled at him, then hung up.” I smile down at Sage, and she looks confused before a small smile grows on her face.
“I'm so proud of you!”
“Thank you!” I can't help but smile at her praise, but the moment is interrupted by Jordan.
“What the hell?” He stares at me in disbelief. “I haveneverseen you smile like that or say thank you that enthusiastically. Sunshine, what is he on?”
I flip him off before hanging up, and Sage breaks into a laugh.
