Sage
Itap my steering wheelnervously as I watch my brothers, their girlfriends, and Lisette all sitting around the table. We come to this bakery/cafe whenever we all want to meet up, so I asked them to meet me here.
Being that I’m leaving for Italy today, I wanted to talk to them. I know myself, and I’m not going to want to eat, let alone hold down a meal, especially with all of the fittings I’m going to have, but after hours of contemplating last night, I know I can’t do that for the entire month I’m there. I can’t afford to get sick in another country, and if I pass out and someone finds outwhy…
I think it’ll just be easier if I tell my family now; this way, I can leave before they freak out, but I can also call them whenever I need to talk.
I keep my eyes on all of them, and when August smiles down at Hazel, I smile to myself at how happy they look and decide to hurry out of the car. I force myself to keep walking before I can chicken out, but when Lisette notices me, I know it’s too late.
“The queen finally decided to grace us with her presence.” She rolls her eyes playfully, and I let out a soft laugh.
“Hazel has been here for fifteen minutes?” August looks around, confused, before looking back down at his girlfriend with a smile, and she immediately leans forward to kiss him.
“Sorry, I’m late.” I take a seat next to my sister, and they catch me up on what they are talking about, but my mind races with how this is going to go, not to mention last night's horror show. August hasn't told anyone anything, but I told him to break it to Sire once I'm on the plane so I can avoidthatreaction.
“You okay?” August smiles over at me, and I paint a smile on my face before nodding.
“What’s wrong?” Sire questions, and I should’ve known that he’d notice.
“Nothing…” I feel the entire table watching me, and I want to say what’s on my tongue, but I can’t form the words.
“Hey,” Lis elbows me, and I turn to find her watching me with a smile. “I know that face, just say it so we don’t have to hold you captive all day. I need to feed my turtle.”
I let out a soft laugh, and when Sire tells her we don’t care about her turtle, she throws a piece of bread at him and the entire table erupts with a laugh when it hits him dead in the mouth.
Vidia gets up to use the bathroom, and I follow after her. I'm thankful for the excuse to leave before they keep asking me what’s wrong.
When we walk in the bathroom, my eyes land on a huge mirror, and I pull Vidia to take a picture with me. After posting it and tagging her, I tuck my phone away and she goes into one of the stalls as I touch up my makeup.
“Hey, V?”
“Yeah?”
I pull in a deep breath as my eyes scan my frame. I love my outfit, but when I stare at myself for too long, I start to pick myself apart. I shake my head and turn away from the mirror.
“What does an eating disorder look like to you?” I don’t know why I ask her, of all people but I do. She’s a physical therapist, and while she isn’t a doctor for stuff like this, I still want to hear her take on it.
“Eating disorders look different in different people.”
I wait for her to add more but she doesn’t. When she exits the stall, her eyes meet mine, and she suddenly pauses. “What’s wrong?”
I shake my head and turn back around. She comes up next to me and washes her hands. “There’s anorexia, which is when someone thinks they’re overweight, but are underweight. They’d have a strict eating pattern and a fear of gaining weight.”
I chew my lip in thought as she goes on.
“There’s bulimia. When someone eats large amounts of food in a certain time frame. They usually purge, like make themselves vomit, to compensate.”
It's all exactly like the article I read…
“Then there’s pica. A disorder that causes people to eat things like dirt or cornstarch.”
I shake my head at myself.
“There are many different ones. Honestly, I think anything associated with an unhealthy relationship with food can be seen as an eating disorder.”
I feel the back of my eyes sting, and my nose starts to burn, but I only nod in response as I keep my back to her.
“And that’s not a bad thing.” She comes around, and I force a smile. “There’s nothing wrong with having an eating disorder.” She watches me like she knows everything in my mind, and I hate that I can’t paint a better fake smile.
