Page 3 of The Attraction
Although I have my own full gym in my apartment, some nights I just want to get out and walk off the frustration of the day in the crisp night air.
I don’t even listen to any podcast or music as I walk. Just me and my own thoughts, which at times can be annoying, but it is also a good way to find a point where I can rationalize with myself.
The last few months have been intense.
My brother Flynn who I never thought would ever settle down has fallen in love with a woman who brings all sorts of complications with her.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for him, and I like Felisha, but her being the owner and CEO of our biggest competitor is a fine line we are all navigating right now. Me especially, since I need to watch that we aren’t giving up our profit margins just to make life easier for Felisha. After all, she was dealt some harsh blows by her father, a poor excuse for a human, which has us all leaning toward wanting to rally around her.
I know Flynn doesn’t worry about these things, but I do!
It’s what Nic pays me to do and what I have lived my whole adult life working so hard to be good at. But I’m starting to realize, it’s been at the expense of the other part of my life away from work.
Flynn never wanted a relationship, and yet a woman, that he has fallen head over heels for, just landed in his lap. And although things weren’t easy for them, I wasn’t surprised to see him putting a ring on her finger.
Flynn was always the man whore out of the two of us, who didn’t care as long as he had a good time, and he was open with every woman he slept with that it was all he expected. He never wanted more than one night.
But I’m different.
Although I have had plenty of one-night stands and a few short-term relationships, I have always been looking for more. That deeper connection.
Not that I can ever seem to find it.
I have been told plenty of times that I’m too intense, and I don’t agree.
What is wrong with a dominant man who wants to take charge, be in control, and look after their partner? To be the one to plan things and make sure that we are both on the same wavelength.
But apparently, that is not what the modern woman wants. When I say controlling, I don’t mean I tell them what to do, God, I’m not that much of a dick. But for me, I like to have control of the situations around me, which means that also flows into my relationship with them.
Flynn is always telling me that I need to “chill out” more and relax. That’s easy for him to say. He grew up living his life on the edge, no responsibility and only caring about himself. I was the one who was left with looking after our parents and everything else. I don’t think he ever knew all the things that happened while he was in Australia. How Dad lost his job and they were without income for a while. I was the one who made sure they had money in their account for the time he was off.
I was more worried than they were, but I couldn’t stand to watch them counting every penny each week when they were doing their shopping. I had plenty of money by that stage, because I had started to invest a little and it was doing well.
Mum made me promise not to say anything to Flynn because they knew he didn’t have the money to get a ticket home or that his job might not be there if he went back.
I’m not one who likes to keep secrets, but I found myself keeping things from him as he traveled, carefree, while I shouldered all the worries of the family. Helping my parents plan the funerals for grandparents that passed away while he was on the other side of the world, and the day they thought Mum was having a heart attack and rushed her to the hospital. It was me in the emergency room with her while Dad was stuck trying to get back from York four hours away in traffic. Not sure the nurses appreciated my curt tone that day, but I didn’t think they were doing anything quick enough, and there was no way we were losing Mum on my watch. Turned out to be severe angina, and now she has medication to take when it comes on and monitoring her blood pressure all the time. Of course, Flynn knows about her health issues now, but it’s under control and nothing really to worry about.
I could have told him everything I went through, but what would be the point? It is over now. There have been many a day I wanted to throw it back in Flynn’s face, but I love him too much to lay guilt on him when really it was my parents’ choice to keep so much from him. They didn’t think he was mature enough to handle things when he was so far away. Or on the the other hand, my mum didn’t want to upset or worry him if she wasn’t near to coddle him.
When do parents stop being parents to adult children? Mum’s answer is never, but surely there has to come a time where they feel we don’t need protecting anymore. I mean, Flynn is now forty and I’m forty-four years old. I’m sure neither of us need to have her hovering. I love my parents dearly, but there is a time when she needs to let go. Hopefully now that Felisha is in Flynn’s life, that might happen.
I guess because I don’t have children then I don’t truly understand, and the truth is I’m running out of time to become a father at my age. Maybe I just get to become the uncle to Nic and Rem’s kids and maybe Flynn’s if he ever has them. I can’t even say I will be the fun uncle because that’s not me. I’d be the one who would be buying stocks from the day they are born and investing wisely with money I would gift them for their future, as well as a trust fund that I would make their parents set up for them. So even if they don’t have memories of me being the one running around the farm with them, they will appreciate me when they turn twenty-one and have enough money that they will never need to be dependent on anyone, not even their parents. Then I could teach them how to manage it, because let’s be honest, I’ll be heading into my seventies by then and won’t live forever.
I take one last deep breath as I reach my apartment building. I can feel the sheen of sweat all over my body. I never take a slow casual walk, it’s more like a power walk to burn up the heavy weight of the day on my shoulders. Most of my business associates wouldn’t recognize me in the black cotton gym shorts, a black t-shirt that hangs loose on my chest, not showing my physique anywhere except my biceps, where it hugs them tight. A plain black cap pulled down low so no one knows it’s me. I just want this time of day to be mine and not be caught up in trivial conversation, or even worse, being dragged into a business conversation when that’s the whole reason I’m out walking in the first place, trying to forget that world.
“Hey, Ferris.” I give my doorman a nod as he opens the heavy glass door for me. He is more than just a doorman, doubling as security for the residents, and nobody gets past him unless they have permission. We have four guys that rotate on shifts, but if there was one of them I would want to stand in front of me in a dangerous situation, it’s Ferris.
“Mr. Taylor, been out pounding the pavement again, shaking off the day?” He offers his half-smile which is all you ever get.
“I’m a creature of habit, Ferris. Have a good night,” I answer as I hit the call button for the elevator, and thankfully, it is down at the basement, so only a floor away. I just want to get upstairs and get into a hot shower.
“Nothing wrong with that,” he replies and then wishes me good night as well.
The chime sounds, and as the doors open in front of me, I feel my chest tighten.
“Harper,” I greet her as I step in, and she smiles at me but not with any real life behind it. Her black hair and dark brown eyes are such a contrast on her face tonight. She looks a little pale and not quite her normal self.
“Forrest. Guessing you haven’t come from a meeting,” she says, looking me up and down as the doors close behind us.
