Page 19 of The Attraction
“My little snuggle bug.” He drops his briefcase at the door as I launch myself into his arms, and he twirls me around in the air. “Happy birthday, my beautiful Harper.” Coming to a stop, he kisses me on the top of my head as I get the best dad cuddle. For as long as I can remember it has always been Dad who gives the hugs and is the fun parent. I love my mum just as much, but she is the parent at home who does the day-to-day things we need. As I get older, I can see maybe she is so tired, and that’s why she doesn’t have as much time to laugh and spin us around in the air like Dad does.
Pulling back from me, he looks down with the straightest face. “So, ten years old today, double digits?” he questions me.
“No!” I screech at him. “I’m thirteen, a teenager. Almost an adult” I throw my arms out to my side and then start to spin around in a circle. “Can’t you see I’m not a little girl anymore? I’m all grown up!” I mean, not that he would be looking at me like that, but I have boobs now, that makes me a grown-up woman in my eyes, right? That’s what Felisha and I think, but I would never say that out loud, that would be so embarrassing.
Daddy just bursts out laughing at my twirling display and replies, “You will always be my little girl no matter how old you are, Harper.” Then he picks his briefcase back up and tucks me under his arm, walking us toward the back of the house where the kitchen is. Mum has cooked my favorite meal for my birthday, BBQ ribs, mac and cheese, and pumpkin pie for dessert. We might not live in America anymore, but my mum still loves to cook some of the food we miss from there. I know the ribs are Daddy’s favorite too, that’s why I picked them.
“Mmmmm, something smells great in here.” Letting me go, he goes to my sisters who are already sitting at the table. Rachel is in her highchair, flapping her arms up and down with excitement at the sight of Dad, and Amanda looks up with such a sweet smile. He gives them the same amount of love that she just showed me. Then he wraps his arms around my mum from behind and kisses her on the cheek as she dishes up the food on to the plates. He whispers something in her ear which makes her giggle, and she pushes him away.
I often look at them and am so grateful that I have parents who love each other so much. Compared to my best friend Felisha whose father is all grumpy, and they hardly ever spend time together. He scares me, and I don’t like him. Her mum is beautiful and is so prim and proper the way she dresses and acts. But when it’s just her, Felisha, and me, she is really funny and lots of fun.
Things start to get blurry, and I try desperately to hang on to those memories when everything was perfect. When I felt his love in every hug.
But then that vision turns to that night, the one I hate but can never shake, when I thought I saw him standing outside my bedroom window at my apartment, just watching me. I waved to him, and he waved back with such sadness on his face. I ran down the stairs to get to him because I was worried about why he looked like that, and I was freaking out a little. Why didn’t he just come to the door and knock?
“Daddy!” I yell into the cold winter night to where he was standing, but he’s gone. Then the snowstorm starts, and I can’t see anything.
White wind is all around me. I just keep screaming his name, but he never answers.
One last hug was all I wanted.
I try to breathe a little slower the way my therapist taught me to bring myself back to the here and now.
He disappeared after I pictured him in the window, and I never saw him again.
I found out later he had left the country that night and fled to America, where he was later murdered.
For a few years, I dreamed of hearing him screaming my name to come and help him and what his screams of pain might have sounded like. The vision of what I imagined happened when he was shot. But finally, I got past that and moved on with my life, putting the pain behind me.
“Fuck,” I curse, slamming my fist into the pillow next to me. I don’t want to go back to this screwing up my head. I haven’t seen a therapist for at least ten years, and I don’t want to have to go back there.
Rolling onto my back and looking up at the ceiling, it dawns on me that I’m not in my bed. Not even my temporary one.
“Ughhh, mysecondnightmare for the day… Forrest.” It’s like the universe is torturing me.
Well, no point lying here all day complaining about it. That’s not who I am. I tackle things head-on, and that’s what I need to do here too.
Throwing back the covers, I drag myself out of bed and head into the bathroom.
One look at myself in the mirror is all I need to know.
“You look like shit, bitch. Going to need some serious work this morning to look presentable for the world.” I roll my eyes at myself in the mirror and then turn to start the shower and get on with it.
Walking down the hallway from my room, I have no idea what time Forrest gets up or leaves for work. It’s almost seven am which is normal for me to be grabbing my protein shake and heading off to work. Admittedly, I would have normally been up already and done a workout with my online personal trainer app, but this morning, it just wasn’t going to happen.
If I’m lucky he has already left and I won’t have to face him this morning. It will give me time to think about what I need to say.
But I suppose that is wishful thinking because him leaving me here on my own kind of defeats the purpose of being here in his apartment for him to be my big tough protector.
The closer I get to the kitchen, I realize that luck is not on my side. Hearing his voice and the sounds of the clicking of keys on his keyboard, I know he is in his office. If the truth be known, he has probably been up for hours working, because the high-end financial world never sleeps. There are always, at any time of the day, money markets open and reports releasing that affect the prices of shares. I don’t know how he does it, that job would bore me to tears. But there is a part of me that also has such a hate for the financial world because it took my dad away from me, and that I can’t ever forget.
I should be worried that Forrest works in the same world as my dad, but it’s very clear that Forrest is so conservative that I presume it carries through to his investing too. Plus, there is no way he would let the others down by doing anything risky like my father did. Forrest is very protective of his family and friend group. I just wish my dad had been the same.
The financial world is not my thing, and I’m just glad I don’t really have to deal in that part of Kentwall Estates; I just get the fun of organizing how we spend it. I also need excitement and challenges in my career, but just not in the way of making money at others’ expense. But to each their own, I suppose.
What is the right thing to do here? Go into his office to let him know I’m awake, which I’m a bit hesitant to do because his conversation could be something confidential, and we are business competitors, after all. Or do I just make some noise in the kitchen, purposely loud so he gets the hint that I’m out here?
Two days ago, I probably would have just marched in there and not given a fuck about what he was saying on the phone, showing him that I’m running the show here. But this morning, I’m not sure I have the energy for that.
