Page 64 of The Faking Game
I know he isn’t interested in me, not likethat.He still rejected me years ago.Boring. Last woman I would date.But I feel suddenly desperate to know that he enjoyed that just as much as I did. That while we’re not real, while I don’t want him and he doesn’t want me,atleastI wasn’t alone in liking that kiss.
“That was… very good.” His voice is rough, like it’s unused, even though we only kissed for a minute. “Did it help?”
Right. This was practice. To kiss on my terms. “Yes. It helped.”
West’s jaw works. “Good. Just say the word when you want to practice again.”
“You sure you don’t mind?” I ask. He looks far tenser now than before we kissed. He was fake angry before, but now… I can’t read him.
“Yeah,” he says, “I’m very sure. When you want to practice, you practice with me. Any time. Any place.”
“Thanks. That’s generous.”
He chuckles. The sound is warm. “Don’t thank me too much. It’s not a hardship.”
“It’s not?”
“No.” His face transforms when he’s smiling. Comes alive, becomes almost hard to look at. “It’s not hard to kiss you.”
Oh.
Oh.
My fingers twitch by my side. I know enough of West to be sure he never says things he doesn’t mean. He’s the opposite of me in that way. Doesn’t hide, doesn’t obfuscate. There’s never any fake politeness.
I don’t know how to handle that information.
He doesn’t mind kissing me.He doesn’t mind kissing me.
“Don’t think too much about it.” The smile on his face dies. “I’m walking a fine line here. You want my reassurance, but you also don’t like it when guys want you too much. Right?”
“Right.” My voice sounds wooden, coming out between tingling lips.Kiss me anytime. Anywhere.“But I don’t feel that way with you.”
It’s meant to be reassuring.
Instead, the hint of a smile disappears entirely. “Good. Because we’re only practicing, right? For when you date after this. When you’re looking for a real relationship.”
“Yes,” I repeat. “But it’s good to know. Good that you’re not… that you find it… tolerable. Letting me kiss you.”
He looks up at the ceiling, and I can see his Adam’s apple bob. I wonder if he’s counting to three. “Don’t think about me,” he finally says, eyes returning to me. “Only think about what you want. Can you do that for me?”
I nod quickly. “Yes. I can.”
“That’s my girl,” he says, and the praise feels almost as good as his lips did.
GROUP CHAT
Rafe
Have you recovered from the last trip, Alex? We can’t have a repeat of your meltdown.
West
Even if it was hugely entertaining.
Alex
Fuck off.
