Page 201 of The Faking Game
He looks back at me. “What I want, Nora,” he says, his voice raw, “is for you to stay here forever. For you to be mine. For there to be no more faking between us—not ever. I want you on my arm. I want you wearing my ring. More than anything, I want you happy. I want to see you designing. I want to hear you say no a thousand more times. I want to make you come, and I want to watch you smile and laugh. I want to watch you charm everyone we meet. I want you in my bed. I want you in my office. I want you by my side.” The words hang in the air, making it hard to breathe. “It’s terrifying, I know. It terrified me. Marriage has always been something to be avoided. I’ve seen the way my parents did it, the punishments, the secrets, the games… if you give someone the key, they will wreck you. But you already have the key, sweetheart. And you’re welcome to wreck me as long as it means you’ll stay.”
He shakes his head, his voice dropping. “I’m scared of what you’ll say now because… you love making people happy.” He pauses, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again. They’re glazed. “But I still want your honesty, now more than ever. Even if it destroys me.”
The crack inside me feels wide open, a gaping chasm, and the only way through is to dive in. To give him the same honesty that he’s given me.
“I’ll be honest. And you have to trust me when I tell you what I want this time, okay? You’rethe one who helped teach me how to do it.” I take a deep breath. “For years, I’ve wanted love. I wanted towantsomeone, but it never happened. I kept everyone at arm’s length.” My hand around his collar softens, slides up to his neck. “And now you tell me you love me.”
“I do,” he says, “but you don’t have to say it back unless you mean it.”
“So little faith you have in me.” But I’m smiling a little, another tear rolling down my cheek. His eyes track it. “West, do you know why I suggested we marry?”
He doesn’t seem to be breathing. He’s still on his knees, arms braced on either side of me.
“Because I didn’t want this to end. Because I didn’t want to leave you,” I say. “You’ve made me feel safe and wanted and supported. You made it effortless for me to be myself with you. You’ve made it so easy to love you. Every step of the way, you’ve made me feel more things than I ever thought I could. I love you too. Of course I do.”
There’s no reaction in him. Nothing apart from the quick uptick in his pulse, pounding beneath my fingers on his neck.
“West,” I murmur.
His eyes are incredulous. “You love me?”
“Yes.” I smile at him, a bit shy. “This is what it feels like, right? Like I’ve been given an extra dose of energy, of self-confidence, of happiness. Like I can’t focus, can’t think when you’re not around. Like you’re my favorite person in the world. The person I can be myself with.”
“I think so.” He’s smiling now, and rain continues to pour down outside, but in here, it’s blazing summer. “That’s how it feels for me. Like you’ve become the center of my universe.”
“You haven’t…?”
“Before you? No.”
“I guess you can’t teach me this, then.” My nails scrape gently over the back of his neck, his hair tickling my fingers. “We’ll have to figure it out together.”
He leans in and kisses me. It’s soft and warm, and the crack that yawned open inside me fills up with him.
“As long as you want me, I’m yours.” He kisses my cheek, my nose. Rests his forehead against mine. “We don’t need to get married. I’ll be your boyfriend.”
“You can’t lose Fairhaven.”
“Don’t marry me because you think there’s a sword over my head. The estate doesn’t matter. I’ll lose it before I lose you.” His hands tighten around my waist. “I won’t let you go.”
“I won’tletyou lose it,” I tell him. “I won’t let you lose anything. We’re a team, you and me. We love each other.” My voice falters at the end, at the words being put out into the universe. At a truth so recently acknowledged being spoken aloud.
“Things should happen at your pace. When you’re comfortable,” he says. “If we do this… you’d marry me at the end of the summer.”
“Yeah. I’ve done the math.” My lips widen into a smile. “I’d do anything for you, West.”
He shakes his head slowly. “But I’d never ask you to do a damn thing for me.”
“I know. That’s why I would.”
“Be selfish, Nora. Please.”
I tighten my hands behind his neck. “But I am, West. This is crazy and wild, and I want it. Trust me to make my own decisions. That’s what I want, in every area of my life. Including this one. I want to be your wife.”
“You mean that.” His low voice vibrates with emotion, and his hands pull me forward, off the futon and into his waiting grip. I land in his lap, legs on either side of his kneeling form. “You really mean that.”
“I really, really do.”
“I don’t deserve you, my brave, pretty girl.” He presses kisses to my temple, my cheek, and something feels like it bursts inside me with warmth. “But I’ll always try to. I promise that.”
