Neither is an option.
I can’t. There’s no way. I shoot Sitri another pleading look.Help me.You said you would protect me, I think, trying to direct my thoughts into his mind just as his voice appeared in mine.
Pick it up.
“Can’t,” I choke out.
Pet, I’m going to help you but you have to do this. Pick it up.
I stare down at the chunk of gore. Ripped from the man’s chest just as he intended to plunge a dagger into mine.
I need you to trust me. Pick it up.His voice grows more demanding.
With trembling fingers, I reach down and take the bloody pulp. It's warm and slick against my palms and a shudder rocks me.
Good. Now take a bite.
A small choked sound slips out of me.
I’m going to help you,he repeats.You can do this.
I bring it toward my mouth, sucking in a panicked breath as I press it to my lips. The heart is tough and the first attempt does not prove successful. I bring it toward the side of my mouth to gnaw off the chewy sinew. Blood squirts against my lips as I clamp my teeth down and tear off a chunk. The tang of iron encases my tongue. I gag. The chunk of flesh disappears from my mouth and I freeze.
Pretend to chew,Sitri coaxes and I obey. I swallow some of the blood that’s leaked into my mouth with the action and gag again.
Good. Now, again.
Blood trickles down my wrists and then my arms as I squeeze the heart between my teeth and tear off a chunk. As soon as I close my lips around it, it vanishes again.
Chew. Even though I’m not actually ingesting it another gag works up my throat.
Don’t think about it,he says sternly. Just get it done.
There’s still so much more to go. A whimper spills out of me.
As soon as you’re done I’ll get us out of here, I swear.
I work a noisy swallow.
Don’t rush! This has to look natural. Swallow when I say.
I offer a slight jerk of my head in understanding. Carefully maneuvering the heart to one hand, I wipe at my chin. There’s so much blood now, dribbling down my mouth and hands I only succeed in smearing it further. Tears well in my eyes, a shudder wracking my chest.
Don’t cry,he says, voice a low snarl in my ear.Don’t give them the satisfaction.
My throat is so hard and tight even faking swallows causes me pain. It’s only a piece of meat, I lie to myself. The next time I swallow, Sitri misses a good portion of it, and I actually do ingest some of the heart, which sends me to gagging again.
The heart seems never-ending. I can no longer see the crowd watching my cruel torment. I disassociate, my soul lifts and I go someplace else as my body continues to gnaw off pieces of flesh and pretend to chew. The next bite I aim for is the large protruding capillary I’ve been avoiding. There’s no other choice. It becomes harder to hold as it decreases in size, slipping across my palms. I’m forced to dig my nails in, bathing myself further in the seeping blood.
My nerves ramp up as I near the end, hands practically vibrating as the heart is torn to a small shred, held in one bloody palm.
You’re doing so good, pet. You’re almost done.
A sound emits from my lips on those last few bites. Something between a crazed sound of glee and a choke. I press the last piece in with a flat palm and look down, shivering, waiting for Sitri to tell me when.
Swallow.
I obey. It’s done. Another wave of emotion wracks through my chest as I wrestle down the urge to cry.
