I’m lost in a clouded daze as we make our way back to his chambers. Nothing can bring me down from it. Not even when he drops my hand as we depart from the garden or wishes me a quick goodnight without looking at me and disappears into his bedroom. It’s only then, as I sink to the couch I realize I can’t feel the daemon at all. Not even the slightest thump through my body, like it’s sated deep down inside of me.
I drop my head to my pillow as I imagine what it would be like to have a life, a real life, where I get to choose. I stare at his bedroom door.
Maybe I could even choose him.
Sitri nudges me awakeand I groan, eyelids opening into thin slits.
“Hey,” he says softly, bent over me. “I need you to get ready.”
I jerk my head up to find him cloaked and booted. “Why?”
“I have an idea. There’s someone I want you to meet.”
“What do you mean?” I ask, my voice still thick with sleep as I rub at my face.
“I have a friend,” he says carefully. “That I think might be more helpful about your….situation than I am.”
“Thought you didn’t have any friends,” I mumble.
He shrugs. “I guess I do have this one.”
“Who is it?”
“She’s…” he trails off, rubbing a hand over his jaw. “Kind of hard to explain. She’s a genius, really. You’ll see. Come on.”
She?That slices a pang of irritation in my gut, and I frown.
“Come on,” he demands. His magic presses against my back, scooting me toward the edge of the couch.
“Alright, cut it out,” I snipe, hauling myself off the couch with another groan. I clamber off toward the bathroom, pointing him with an annoyed look before I go. It’s been ages since I’ve had to get up early. Ages since I’ve had to get up for anything at all. The mirror dresses me and twines my hair into a quick braid.
I’m still half asleep as we descend the spiral stairs. The outside world feels too bright, too exposing.
“I’m going to show you an alternate way of traveling I have today. It is one of the reasons I gave you the Mark of the Goddess so that it will be accessible to you too.”
That gropes me from my groggy haze. “What?”
“It’ll be easier if I just show you.”
That puts a little more pep in my step as my curiosity blooms. We stalk forward in the direction of the Murmuring Wood, and Sitri periodically turns circles mid-walk, presumably to make sure no one is watching as his hands draw a flurry of symbols.
“What are you doing?”
“Screening us so that we’re not seen. Hopefully.”
He’s quiet as we traipse through the woods, and I sneak glimpses of him when he’s not looking. There’s no acknowledgment to what occurred between us last night. Are we going to pretend like that didn’t happen? As if it was something I dreamed up.
I watch him from behind. The way he moves. Always so confidently. Where does it come from? Probably because he’s so tall and large. Maybe if I was that size, I’d be that self-assured too. He has so much power. He gets to decide everything!
The black of his cloak floats behind him, black hair curling against the nape of his tanned neck. I want to lick it.
I bare my teeth.
I hate him.
No, I’m obsessed with him.
I don’t even notice he’s suddenly stopped walking and slam straight into his back. It doesn’t budge him at all, just manages to knock me completely off balance which just…really was the nature of things, wasn’t it?
