“From experience,” he grumbles.
Sitri’s face morphs from concerned to surprised when my lip quavers and a hoarse laugh erupts out of me. Once it’s started, I’m powerless to stop it. It cracks through the bitter despair of my being and shakes it all loose as my shoulders shake, too. Sitri gives in and laughs too. Div doesn’t let up for a second, his agitated whizzing sending bursts of air wafting over us. “Sorry,” I gasp out. “I promise I’m not laughing…because you were crying…it’s jus’ really absurd to imagine,” I say between laughs.
“I know.” He flashes me a grin as Div whizzes in again. “I should probably let him out.”
I realize I’m holding him hostage there with one hand still fisted into his shirt. “Sorry,” I say as I unravel it, hastily wiping his shirt clean. He’s slow to remove himself from me almost as if…he doesn’t really want to. I banish that thought. He’s only comforting me because I was throwing a huge fit. He presses the hair back from my forehead one last time before he rises.
“Come on, Div, out with you, you insufferable creature,” he says as he makes his way to the living room and lets Div out the balcony door. Doesn’t sound like he has to tell him twice. I press my face into the pillow, not ready to get up, a little embarrassed by my tantrum, even more embarrassed to admit that I’m disappointed the moment between us has ended so soon. It’s not like this had been my aim. In retrospect, it almost feels like it was what I was after. My mood turns dim again.
Sitri appears back in the doorway and I right myself in the bed, rubbing my face clean. I don’t want any more pity comfort. It felt good in the moment. Now I just feel ashamed. “I’m fine now,” I say, a little sharply. “Th—my magic is whole again.”
“Good.” He leans into the door frame. “Would you want to get out of here for a little bit?”
We’re quiet as weshuffle through the hallways and down the stairs. I still feel slightly hollow, emptied out, like the air itself is pricking against my innermost cavities, as he leads me to the garden and down a path between the chaos of shrubbery and flowering plants. As soon as we’re hidden behind the tangle of greenery, he takes my hand in his and laces our fingers together. I freeze in my tracks, staring down at our conjoined hands.
“Is this okay?”
“You don’t have to do that,” I say, trying to pull my hand free. He grips it tighter.
“I know I don’t have to. Iwantto.”
“You do?”
He lets out a soft laugh. “Yes, unless you don’t want me to…?”
His eyes are genuinely probing. I look around the garden in paranoia. “Aren’t you worried someone will see us?”
For once, the man I know who’s always on guard, always checking every corner just shrugs. “There’s no one around.”
My fingers flex around his autonomously. He squeezes me back and I dip my head to curtain my flushing cheeks. He suddenly steps forward, mouth hovering just above my forehead as he pulls my hair back behind my ear. His voice is low, husky as he says, “You have a beautiful face, Pandora. I don’t know why you’re always trying to hide it.”
He tugs me along the winding path. The balcony smells only of sun-baked stone but down here it’s botanical and earthy. I inhale it deep into my lungs, doing a little hop and a skip between the deteriorating, grass-overtaken cobblestones. I didn’t realize how desperately I needed to be outside until he brought me out here.
When I look up he’s watching me, expression indecipherable. I loose a grin, not because I want to but because I can’t help myself. He huffs a breath out of his nostrils in amusement. I let out a hoarse squeak when something suddenly brushes against my legs.
A black cat with large emerald eyes pokes its head up with a soft meow. “Oh! Hello,” I murmur, reaching down to scratch it behind its ear when Sitri stomps at it with a savage yell, and it scurries away.
I’ve seen this man do plenty of offensive things, but that might…just take the cake for the rudest thing I’ve ever seen him do. “I wanted to pet that cat!”
“Don’t…don’t fraternize with the cats here,” he says sternly.
Don’t fraternize with the cats?
“Morin is particularly fond of altering petty criminals into small defenseless creatures. They’ll often feed her information in hopes she’ll reduce their sentences,” he says in a low voice.
“That was a person?” I whisper.
He shrugs. “It might’ve just been a cat but it’s impossible to tell.”
“I thought you said there wasn’t anyone out here.”
“Well, there’s no people…but yeah, maybe some cats.”
“Then we probably shouldn’t…” I start to tug my hand back and his clamps around mine in refusal.
When I look up his face is introspective. “I guess…I think it’s worth the risk…just this once.”
“Just this once,” I repeat.
