I take a step back as the daemon continues beating furiously under my skin. “You heard it…?”
“Yeah, I was…” He points. “In the next room over. Are you alright?” he repeats.
“I’m fine,” I lie, voice creeping up an octave as pain continues to sear and blur my vision. I grit my teeth with a sharp breath, straining to keep my voice steady. “It was just a nightmare. You can go.”
“Tell me what’s wrong with you,” he demands and then softer. “What’s wrong with you?” He scrutinizes me. “Has something happened to you?”
“No,” I say sharply. I wipe at my face, the cold sweat that’s accumulated across it. Early morning light seeps in through the windows, and swirling dust gathers in the beams. It’d taken hours for the henbane to finally wear off. Long gut-wrenching hours, unable to sleep, playing that shamed look across his face before he left.
A fire he’d ignited in me and the pile of sordid ash he left behind. The way Ibegged. I can feel the blood rushing up to my face now. The daemon thrashes with my toiling emotions, draining the blood right back out. It takes everything not to sink to my knees. I wrap my arms around my abdomen and dig my nails in.
Please leave.
Before the daemon exposes me for what I really am.
“No, something is wrong with you,” he insists. “I can see it in your face. You were…“ He points toward the couch. “You acted like you were in pain. Are you…in pain?” His eyes flicker over my body again, over my arms wrapped around myself. “What’s wrong with you?” he says softly. “I don’t understand. Let me help you...”
“I want you to leave,” I snap. I can’t keep up the facade right now. But he doesn’t make to move. “You get to leave when you want to leave. I don’t have that option, so please,” I say, lifting a hand in the direction of his bedroom. “Give me that.”
“Pandora.” He takes a step forward, and I take one back. Pain flashes in his eyes. “I left because I didn’t want you to do something you regretted while you were under the influence of the henbane.”
I blink, the words cracking through my shield and seeding hope underneath my ribs. He lets out a heavy exhale. “But maybe you already did…something… you regret?” He searches my face.
Do I regret it? Throwing myself at him? With my whole being. But I’ll never admit it after Ibeggedfor it. The daemon sears, white-hot blazing pain. I need him out of here. I snort. “No, I don’t regret it. I got what I wanted, and that’s all it was,” I sneer.
It lands like a slap, exactly as I intended, but I still have to fight back a wince at the confused, pain-filled look on his face. But then his face contorts, hardening as he moves closer to me. I move back until my back thumps against the wall.
“I know what you’re doing, Pandora. I’ve done it too many times not to recognize it. You’re trying to drive me off. Why?” When I don’t answer he leans down and stares at me intently. “What could you possibly have to hide?”
Everything.
He reaches up, strokes my cheek, and I tremble as the daemon pounds.Pounds.Pounds. Bleeding the blood from my face and bleeding any chance I have at living away from me. “You can talk to me,” he says gently.
Don’t you ever tell anyone the truth.
“I’m sorry I left. It’s not because I don’t want you.”
That catches, pierces, seeps right under my ribs. Twists my heart in bitter agony.He does want me?I shake my head again obstinately. “I do, I wantyou, Pandora.”
“You’re ashamed of me,” I rasp.
“I am not ashamed of you,” he says sternly. “I just can’t let Morin find out I…care about you.”
I blink. It’s hard to absorb his words with the daemon’s torment. It’s sostrong. Begging to discharge even though it just released. Like it’s power won’t stop growing, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. “You left.”
“I told you I didn’t want you to do something you would end up regretting. I’d rather that happen between us organically, not because the henbane made us…”
“You were embarrassed,” I argue. “After we…”
He gives me a long look, and understanding dawns in his eyes. “Well, a little bit because you…” He looks down, teeth gritted somewhere between a grin and a grimace, as his cheeks flush. “You didn’t even… and you made me…” His stare is pointed.
“So did I.”
“Fair enough. Bit of a different stigma for men, though.” He coughs. “And it’s definitely not my first time.” My brows pinch in confusion. “But I’m not ashamed of you or… what we did.”
The daemon thrashes wildly beneath my skin, wanting release with a vengeance. I grit my teeth and squeeze my eyes shut, trying to keep it contained. I can’t talk about any of this right now. I need him to leave.
Plus he wouldn't…He wouldn’t want me if he knew what I really was. It was stupid to think I could ever…have that. Not with who I am! Not withwhatI am! No, he’s already getting too close, meddling in things I can’t afford for him to meddle in. My eyes flicker toward the bedroom. Imagine if he wanted us to start sleeping in the same bed.
