Page 59 of Bound By Threads
I know some of what she went through before Archer brought her home.
The bullying. The dark thoughts that consumed her, and I knew that her home life wasn’t great because she fled states away to start over.
Lottie nods, stepping further into the room.“There were weeks when I didn’t eat at all. Mom and Dad were too high, and the fridge was empty. I used to sleep in winter coats I found in a box on the street to stay warm.”Her eyes lift to meet mine, steady and raw.“This?”She gestures around the room.“This feels safe.”
I don’t know what to say to her. For a long time, I stand there staring at her while something shifts in my chest.
She walks slowly around the room, running her fingers over the frayed edge of a throw pillow on the couch.
My throat feels thick. All the words I want to tell her are caught somewhere between my chest and my hands.
I grab two mismatched glasses—a little cloudy from too many cheap dishwasher tabs—from the cabinet and fill them with water from the filter pitcher in the fridge. My hands shake, so I pause halfway back to her, exhaling slowly.
I carry them back to the couch and sit on the edge, legs spread, elbows on my knees, like maybe if I stay small, she won’t see how much she affects me.
Lottie joins me a moment later, tucking her knees under herself on the cushion beside me, her body angled toward mine like instinct. Her hair is a little messy from the hoodie, and the sleeves are too long, swallowing her hands. Still, she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
She looks around the room again—bare walls, old secondhand furniture—and her expression doesn’t change. No pity, no discomfort, just understanding.
“You never have to explain to me why you don’t have more.”She smiles softly at me.“Possessions don’t prove what’s inside of you.”
The words punch me right in the center of my chest. I blink down at my water and force myself to place it on the table in front of us.
“I spend most of my time at your house when Archer’s home,”I sign after a minute, watching her face.“It’s warm, and always smells like cinnamon or something cooking. His mom talks with her hands even when she doesn’t have to, and his dad tries to out-sign her even though he’s terrible at it.”
Lottie laughs, and it pulls a thread from somewhere deep in my soul and tugs. It’s moments like this I’d give anything to hear her.
To hear what her laughter sounds like when it’s not choked by pain.
To hear her sing to herself in the shower, just a little off-key, but I’d think it was the most beautiful sound in the world.
To hear her whisper my name… just once.
To hear her cry out my name if I ever had the honor of loving her the way I dreamt about.
I’ve never hated being deaf. Not once in my life.
Until her.
Now, it feels like a curse—like some cruel twist of fate that the girl who makes the world feel like music lives in a world I’ll never hear.
I look at her, and my heart aches.
She’s curled up in Archer’s hoodie, her body folded small like she’s trying to hold herself together, but her eyes… they’re soft. Trusting… and it’s suddenly too much.
“I love you,”I sign before I can stop myself. The words feel like something I’ve been holding in for years.“I have for a long time, but I’ve never said anything because I know I can’t give you the kind of life Archer can. I don’t have a big house, or a family that would do anything for you, or even a future mapped out. I’ve got this apartment, a job at a club so I can keep you safe, and a truck with a bad transmission.”
Her lips part, and I watch the air leave her lungs like I’ve just knocked the wind out of her.
My hands drop to my lap, fingers twisting together. I don’t know what I expect. Her telling me she’s sorry, that she can’t love me like that.
“I was scared you’d look at me and see nothing. That you’d see I couldn’t provide for you like he can and I’d lose you completely…”I continue, slower now, careful as my hands shake.“I can’t give you the life he can, but I still want you. Even if it’s selfish.”
Her eyes shimmer, and I swear she’s seeing parts of me I’ve tried so hard to keep buried. Lottie blinks slowly, tears collecting in the corners of her eyes, shaking her head.“Oscar, you could never be nothing to me.”
The words slam into my chest like a punch. This is it… She’s going to friendzone me forever, and I’m going to spend the rest of my life yearning for my best friend’s wife.
I slam my eyes shut.
