Page 20 of Property of Shotgun
“Can we see the baby?” Raiden asks.
Still worrying about how I’m going to take care of two kids at home and a preemie in the hospital, I don’t answer right away.
“Because your brother couldn’t wait to meet you and came a little early, he needs a little T.L.C. so they have him in a special unit in the hospital, but when he’s strong enough you’ll be able to see him. He’s already the coolest baby in the hospital, rocking a pair of shades like it’s nobody’s business,” Shotgun tells him. “I took a picture.” He lifts his eyes to mine. “Is it okay if I show them?”
I nod and he moves closer, reaching into the back pocket of his jeans to retrieve his phone. When he finds the picture, he shows it to the boys.
“He really has sunglasses,” Raiden exclaims. “I want a pair of sunglasses.”
“You can have mine, little man,” Biggie says. Kicking off the wall he’s leaning on, he pulls the glasses out from the neckline of his shirt and props them on his nose. They’re way too big for his little face, but he doesn’t seem to mind.
“Why does he have so many wires connected to him?”
“They’re just monitoring him to make sure he continues to do well,” I say, finally finding my voice. I smooth a lock of his hair away from his forehead. “He’s already doing a lot better than when he was first born.”
“Hey, why don’t you guys get a little closer to your mom so I can take a picture of the three of you,” Shotgun suggests. My eyes find his and he points to the shirts the boys are wearing. “Isn’t that why you sent me on a wild goose chase for those t-shirts?”
“Let’s try this again, baby,” I murmur as I guide Killian to my breast. He nuzzles close but shows no feeding cues. The nurse suggests trying to get him to latch onto my other nipple, but that doesn’t work either.
“It could be a number of things that’s preventing him from latching. We can try again in a couple of hours. In the meantime, I think you should pump, and we can try bottle feeding.”
I furiously wipe at my cheeks. “I don’t have a pump.”
I’m the world’s most unprepared mother.
“Mrs. Callahan we have everything you need here. Please don’t get upset. Fed is best no matter how it’s done.”
I know that, but my brain isn’t working right. My world imploded three weeks ago, and I think it’s finally fully hitting me. “Can you take him?”
“Of course,” she says. “I’ll get you a pump so that you can start pumping in the privacy of your own room. When you’re done, we can try bottle feeding.”
“And if that doesn’t work?”
“We have other options.”
I snuggle him closer, pressing my lips to the top of his head before I hand him back to the nurse. Then I turn back to Shotgun. “Can you take me back to my room?”
Without saying a word he does just that, and once we’re inside, he moves to help me back to bed. I try to push him away, but when I straighten up, the pain in my abdomen returns. So reluctantly, I lean on him, and when he props the pillow under my head, I murmur my thanks. He’s been patient, and kind. A lifesaver really, but I think I need a break. Maybe if I have myself a good cry then I’ll snap out of whatever funk this is.
However, before I can properly express that, Shotgun speaks up.
“Jade, we need to talk.”
“I’m not really in the mood to talk, Shotgun.”
“I understand that, so I’ll make it quick before I get out of your hair for a little while.”
Sighing, I meet his gaze. “What is it?”
“I ran into your doctor when I walked Biggie and the boys out. He’s discharging you tomorrow morning.”
I don’t know what I did wrong to have so many things go against me, but man, I sure as hell must’ve pissed someone off.
“The last I spoke with the pediatrician in the NICU, he indicated that Killian would have to stay longer,” he continues. “His breathing is starting to improve, but now with the jaundice situation, that set him back a little.”
“Despite how much I’m failing, this isn’t my first rodeo, Shotgun. I didn’t think they’d discharge him with all the wires connected to him, and with him not eating, that’s going to only cause more issues.”
The reality is it could be weeks before he comes home.
