Page 16 of The Malevolent Eight
‘Yeah,’ I said confirming their suspicions, ‘he’s a vampire. Honestly, I didn’t think they existed. I mean, you hear stories, but this guy?’ I patted Temper on the shoulder. ‘He loves blood– I mean, fuckinglovesthe stuff. Gets it all over his fur and won’t even let us clean it off him because he likes to save it for later. You know, as a midnight snack.’
‘Y-you’re trying to scare us,’ the guard on the left said, looking scared.
‘Cade,’ Aradeus murmured, staring down at the living map drawing and redrawing itself on his palm, ‘we have maybe thirty seconds before this path becomes closed to us.’
‘Understood.’ I turned back to the guards. ‘Here are the options, friends. First, you bravely attack us, the kangaroo–notkangoo-ro, by the way– kills you in a way that is gruesome and yet somehow embarrassing when your comrades find your corpses, and we escape anyway.’
The second guard mumbled something about duty.
‘Exactly!’ I said, commending him. ‘It’s all about duty. Now, your duty as a guard is to stand there and die trying to slow us down. But what about your duty to the Auroral cause? Isn’t that the greater duty?’
‘Cade,’ Aradeus repeated.
‘Almost done.’ I continued my explanation. ‘Thegreaterduty isn’t served by unnecessary death but by being able to relay vital military intelligence to your commanders. So, here’s my deal: you let us by and after we’re gone, rough each other up a little– a couple of bruises, maybe. No cuts, mind, they get infected. And in exchange, I’ll give you the name of the crew who came and broke out the spy. That’ll be far more useful to your commanders than your corpses. You’ll be known as the two guys who came face to face with the Malevolent Seven and fought them almost to a standstill, forcing them to flee.’
‘You. . . you aren’t the infamous Apocalypse Eight?’ the first guard asked.
‘No,’ Corrigan corrected angrily, ‘we’re the Malevolent Seven.Seven.Don’t they teach you to count in betray-all-of-humanity-by-siding-with-supernatural-invaders school?’ He spat on the floor. ‘We’re trying to build a legend here and people keep confusing us for a bunch of amateurs with a stupid fucking name. . .’
I gave the two guards my best Glorian stare– one of them, anyway; there are seven. ‘Gentlemen, it’s time to choose: tactics, which leaves you dead, or strategy, which serves not only you but the Auroral cause much better.’
The two guards shared a look, dropped their weapons and stepped aside.
Aradeus was already moving back down the hall we’d come. ‘That route closed off to us,’ he murmured, ‘but another has opened. This way.’
‘Geez,’ Tenebris said, stumbling alongside me. He was looking pretty rough, especially as he’d never struck me as one for resisting torture. ‘When did you get all soft, Cade?’
We rounded a corner to find a long straight hallway.
‘Probably around the same time you stopped dealing in Infernal spells to mercenary wonderists and took up espionage. Never took you for a spy, Tenebris.’
‘Never took you for a pussy.’
‘Hah!’ Corrigan barked triumphantly. ‘That’s what I said.’
‘Do not say it again,’ Alice warned. ‘That word is offensive. You should not be referring to female organs as representations of weakness. My own vagina could crush your pathetic phallus to an oozing paste.’
‘We call people pricks all the time and you never complain,’ Corrigan said. ‘How is “pussy” any more offensive?’
‘It is hurtful.’
‘That makes no sense! How is “prick” acceptable, but “pussy” is—?’
Without pausing in our quick jog down the passage, Alice swung out her fist and punched Corrigan in the nose. ‘See? It hurts now, doesn’t it?’
The eruption of Tempestoral sparks on his knuckles came and went quickly. I’d been afraid I’d have to hold him back, but Corrigan roared with laughter. ‘Outstanding! I must use that. Cade, quick, call me a pussy!’
Have I mentioned that all forms of wonderism are, to some degree, injurious to the mind? On the crazy scale, Tempestoral magic really does turn you into a nutcase.
‘There!’ Aradeus said, pointing to a door. ‘Our scouts caused a furor among the squad sent to guard this door, which has delayed them just long enough for us to make our escape. From there, we need only flee through the breach in the outer wall and into the forest, where we shall easily elude any pursuers.’
‘And then,’ I said to Tenebris, punctuating the meaningful look I shot him with a squeeze of his bony arm, ‘you’re going to share every piece of intelligence you’ve accumulated from your spying.’
The diabolic looked up at me with a sheepish grin.’ That’s the thing, Cade. I’mnota spy. Those Auroral goons picked me up because they refused to believe me when I told them what I actually do these days.’
‘Which is?’ Galass asked.
Tenebris made a show of straightening the tattered remains of his coat. ‘Lady, you are in the presence of the finest restauranteur in the entire Mortal realm.’
