Page 170 of Finding Us
“It’s not the same as having my own.” Garret sounds calm, but I see his chest rising and falling.
“Why not? What’s the difference?” I hear the anger in my tone and I need to get control of it. I don’t want to fight about this, although I think we already are.
“Because I need my own money.” Garret’s voice is raised. “Don’t you get that?”
“No. I don’t.” There’s that angry tone again. I can’t seem to stop it. “Is this some sexist guy thing? The girl can’t have money? Only the guy can?”
“I told you. I don’t care if you have money. But that doesn’t mean I can’t have it, too. And yeah, maybe I feel like less of man when I can’t buy you anything. Or when I have to ask permission to do so.”
“I’ve never once made you ask permission for money. You take cash out of the ATM all the time.”
“Yeah, and you always check my pockets for the receipts, like you want to make sure I didn’t take out too much.”
“I clean out your pockets before I do laundry. I’m not checking your stupid receipts.”
“Jade, I’ve seen you look at them. You don’t just toss them in the trash.”
“So? I’m not allowed to do that?”
“You do it right in front of me! I get the message, Jade. You’re telling me not to spend too much.”
“I’m not telling you anything. I’m just looking at a damn receipt!”
“It’s not just the ATM receipts. I feel like I can’t buy anything unless it fits within your approved price range. I went all summer without buying stuff because I knew if I did you’d tell me I spent too much.”
“That’s not true.”
“You can’t even buyyourselfanything. You agonize over even the smallest purchases. You have millions of dollars, Jade. You just need to buy shit and stop worrying about how much it costs.”
“I’m not used to having money, okay? So yeah, it’s hard to spend it. And I’m sorry you think I’m trying to control your spending. I’ll never do it again.”
“You won’t have to, because I have my own money now. I’m not using that ATM card or the credit card. They’re all yours.”
“They’reours. We’re married, remember? We don’t have his and hers.”
“Married people can have separate bank accounts. This isn’t a new idea and it doesn’t say anything about our relationship. It’s just separate accounts. That’s it.”
I get off the couch and pace the floor because I need to move. “Why do you need $2 million? You told me the night of our wedding that you didn’t care about expensive watches and clothes and all that other stuff. Did you change your mind? Did you decide you need a $50,000 watch or a better car?”
“No!” He stands up. “I didn’t ask for $2 million! That’s just what some insurance company thought my mom’s life was worth! I don’t even want the fucking money knowing that’s where it came from. But it’s my only option if I want my own money. So I took it, okay? I would’ve been happy with a few thousand. I just needed something that was my own. I’m sorry if you think it’s wrong of me to want my own money but it is what it is. And I know I didn’t earn the money so it’s not really mine but—it’s not yours.”
That last statement hits me hard. I never knew he felt this way. I thought he was okay with how things were. And now I find out he’s been hiding his feelings from me.
I stop pacing and look at him. “I can’t believe you went all summer and didn’t say a word about this.”
He goes to the kitchen and takes his keys from the counter, then walks to the front door. “I’m going out. I’ll see you later.”
“Wait!” I meet him at the door. “We’re not done here.”
“Yeah. We are.” His tone is gentler now, his voice quiet. “We’re both angry. We’re not ready to talk. I need to calm down. And so do you.”
I nod, unable to find the words that will make him stay. I don’t want him to leave. I need him here. I need him to stay. So why is he leaving?
I feel my throat getting dry and pressure building behind my eyes as I try to hold back the tears. But then one slides down my cheek.
Garret notices and gives me a hug. “We’ll talk later, okay?”
“Yeah.” I whisper it.
