Page 193 of Promising You
“Do you feel better?”
“No.” He goes to his dresser and pulls out some clothes.
“I’ve obviously never had a hangover, but I hear it can take a while to feel better.”
“It’s not the hangover. Physically, I don’t feel that bad. Before I met you I drank way more than that.” He faces the window as he puts his clothes on. I wait until he’s dressed, then go over and hug him. But instead of turning to face me, he just stands there with his arms at his sides.
Something happened when he was in the shower. His body is stiff and refuses to soften when I touch him. He must’ve built up a keep-away-from-Jade wall because now he’s cold and distant.
He breaks free from my hug and goes and sits on the chair by his desk.
I sit across from him on the bed. “Don’t you want to sit here with me?”
He won’t even look at me now. “You’re making this harder, Jade. Why did you even come here?”
I get up, placing myself directly in front of him. “What the hell kind of question is that? I love you. I want to be with you. After everything we’ve been through, did you really think I’d listen to your dad and just leave? Not even ask for an explanation? Not even try to talk to you?”
His eyes are fixed on the floor and his arms are crossed. The emotion he expressed just minutes ago is completely gone. He’s shut down. Given up.
“What happened while you were in the shower? Did you just decide you hate me now and you want me gone?”
I stand there, watching him, waiting for him to respond. But he won’t answer me and he still won’t look at me.
“I never should’ve trusted you, Garret. You lied to me when we first met and now I find out you’ve been lying to me this whole time.” I walk to the end of the bed and sit down with my back to him. “I guess it’s true. You can’t change people. You’ll always be a liar.”
He storms over, landing in front of me and pushing on my shoulder to get me to look at him. “What the hell are you talking about? I haven’t been lying to you! I didn’t know about any of this until yesterday!”
I jump up and get in his face. “I’m not talking about the plan. Or the organization. You lied to me aboutus! You said I could have this forever. You said if we ever broke up it would be becauseIdid it, not you. You said that nobody could ever break us apart unless we let them. And like an idiot, I believed you! I believed everything you said! But it was all just lies!”
“Those weren’t lies!” He yells it, then lowers his voice. “I meant all of that. But everything is different now. When I said those things I didn’t know this would happen. So it’s not fair for you to say that I lied. Because I didn’t.”
“You lied, Garret! None of what’s happened should matter if you really meant those things. You should still want to be with me. But instead you’re breaking up with me!”
He raises his voice again. “Are you fucking kidding me? You think Iwantyou to leave? I’m fucking dying inside right now! I can’t even look at you! It’s killing me to have you here in my room, this close to me, knowing I’ll never see you again!”
His eyes are wide awake now and he’s breathing fast. He’s finally coming out of the comatose fog he was in. I knew he felt that way about me, and about us, but I needed him to say it. I needed to get some type of emotional response out of him so he’d stop acting like this was over. Like he’d shut down and given up.
“You WILL see me again!” I yell back at him, tears rolling down my cheeks. “I’m right here! And I’m not going anywhere, so stop trying to send me away! Stop telling me to leave!”
“I don’t have a choice! Don’t you get that? They fucking own me, Jade!”
“No! They can’t have you! I won’t let them!”
The room gets quiet, but I hear his breathing, fast and heavy. I wipe the tears off my face and try to get control of myself. I can’t break down. I need to think. There has to be a way out of this. They can’t take him away from me. I need him. And he needs me. And what we have is so real and so rare that I refuse to let it be taken from me without a fight.
I look up and see Garret studying me, like he’s not sure what I want from him.
“Garret, if you really—”
He doesn’t let me finish. He draws me into him and puts his lips just inches from mine, hesitating because he knows if we start this, it’ll be that much harder for him to force me to leave. I gently kiss him and feel him giving in. He pulls me closer and kisses me back. It soon becomes a deep, intense kiss that for a moment takes my mind off all the events of this horrible day. I focus on the familiar feel of his soft lips and his warm breath and his strong arms around my waist.
I can’t imagine ever having anyone else kiss me. Or hold me. Or be with me. I only want this. Him. Forever.
The thought wakes me into action, and as much as I want the kiss to continue, I pull away. “Garret, we have to talk. We don’t have much time and we need to come up with a plan. Our own plan, not their plan.”
“There’s no plan we can come up with that will fix this. If we try to keep this going in secret, they’ll find out. If I don’t follow orders, you know what will happen.”
“Yes, so you need to think differently. You can’t just tell them no. You need a different approach.”
