This scene is all too familiar. Jade’s desperate attempt to get rid of the alcohol. I feel like I’m 6 years old again, dumping my mom’s vodka down the sink when she wasn’t looking, hoping it would make her stop drinking. It never did. She’d just hit me to punish me, then walk to the liquor store and buy more.
I toss the empty bottles in the trash and start dumping out a bottle of rum and another bottle of vodka. The rum smell is so strong it almost makes me vomit.
I go back to Garret’s room, grab a clean towel, and race down to the bathroom to soak it with cold water. When I return to his room, he’s still lying there passed out. I wipe the cold, wet towel over his face. It’s what I used to do for my mom when I was a little girl and wasn’t sure if she’d wake up after she passed out drunk. Sometimes it woke her up, sometimes it didn’t. And when it didn’t, it scared the crap out of me. I was sure she was dead. I know Garret’s not, but I still get that same panicked feeling seeing him lying there, not moving.
I fucking hate that Garret is making me do this! Making me relive the worst part of my life. Bringing back memories I try so hard to forget.
He wakes up a little and pushes the towel away. “Jade?” He squints like the light from the window is making his head hurt.
“Yes. It’s me. Let’s get you in a different shirt. This one smells really bad.” He slowly sits up and lifts his arms. I pull his shirt over his head and toss it on the floor, then grab a clean one from his drawer. He starts to fall over, but I hold him up and manage to get the clean shirt on him.
“Whatever’s going on here, we’ll get through it, Garret. This is nothing we can’t handle.” I’m saying it to him but it’s really more for myself. “We’ve been through worse things than this.”
“I’ll miss you, Jade.” His head falls forward onto my chest and his arms hug my waist. “I already do.”
“Why would you miss me? I’m right here.”
“Because it’s over,” he says softly.
“What’s over?”
“You have to go away.”
“What are you talking about? I’m not going anywhere.” I lean him up against the wall so I can get a bottle of water from the fridge. Keeping an eye on him, I quickly get the water, then sit next to him again.
“You need to drink some of this.” I hold the bottle to his lips and he tips his head back just slightly, hardly getting a drop in.
“Garret, sit up. Just take a few sips. It’ll make you feel better.”
He bolts upright and shoves the plastic bottle from my hand. It hits the floor, bouncing a few times and splattering water all over the place.
“What are you doing?” I reach to pick it up and he grabs my wrist so tight it hurts. “Garret, stop it!”
I pry my wrist from his hand and pick up the water bottle.
“Just go!” He yells it at me.
“Go where?” I yell it back, slamming the bottle down on his dresser. “I don’t understand you! What is going on here? Why are you acting this way?”
“They said if you don’t go they’ll—” He falls back against the wall, his head hitting it so hard it makes a thumping noise.
“You’re hurting yourself!” I race over and place myself next to him so his body doesn’t fall over. “Just hold still. Your dad will be here any minute.”
“I hate him,” he mumbles. “That bastard should’ve told me.” His head falls to the side, resting on my shoulder.
“Told you what? Did you have a fight? Is that what this is about?”
“He said he didn’t know, but he always fucking lies.”
“So he lied to you? About what?” I don’t know why I keep trying to have a conversation with him. He just keeps stringing together disconnected words and phrases that make no sense.
“I’m sorry.” He says it softly against my shoulder.
“Yeah, you said that already,” I say softly back.
We’re sitting on the bed, leaned up against the wall. I slip my hand in his and feel my heartbeat slowly return to normal. I stare straight ahead at the shelf above his desk, focusing on the spines of each book and saying the titles in my head to keep my mind off what’s happening.Fundamentals of Accounting. Microeconomics. Introductory Financial Analysis.
I read them again but my mind doesn’t even recognize the words. It’s like they’re in a foreign language. I give up and let my mind return to Garret.
