Page 148 of Promising You
Garret stops eating and looks up from his plate. “Um, okay. And you’re not worried about him driving for 22 hours straight?”
“He’ll only have to drive for 18 hours, which is still a lot, but it’s better than 22. We’ll drive straight to Carson’s house and Ryan will pick me up there.”
“Maybe Ryan has to work.”
“I already checked and Frank said Ryan’s off those days so he’ll be able to pick me up and drop me off.”
“You already told Frank this? So you told him before me?” Garret drops his fork on his plate, making a loud ding sound. “Did you purposely tell him first so you couldn’t change your mind?”
“What? No. I just wanted to let him know what was going on.”
“What about Carson? Did you tell him yet?”
I focus on my plate and use my spoon to pile up the corn I never ate. “Um, yeah. I told him.”
I feel Garret’s anger without even seeing his face. “What the hell? You didn’t even consider anything I said, did you?”
“I considered all of it but you’re making a big deal out of nothing. I’m not interested in Carson. And if he starts saying things about you, I’ll tell him to stop. We won’t even talk about you.”
Garret takes his tray and gets up to leave.
“Where are you going? I need help with my tray.” He comes back and takes my tray and drops both of them off at the conveyor belt.
I follow him as he walks out of the dining hall. He doesn’t wait for me as I take forever on the crutches. I meet up with him in his room.
“Why are you getting all mad about this? You said it was my decision.”
“Jade. I just need a few minutes, okay?” He’s standing by his desk not looking at me.
“A few minutes to what?”
“To calm down so I don’t say something I’ll regret later.”
“Just go ahead and say it. You think I’m stupid or naïve for thinking Carson won’t try something on this trip. Is that it?”
He walks to the door and holds it open. “Why don’t you come back in an hour? I really need to calm down before we talk.”
“I’m sorry, Garret. I just want to see Frank and Ryan. That’s the only reason I’m doing this. I wasn’t trying to piss you off.”
He doesn’t say anything so I leave. I don’t go back up there later and he doesn’t come downstairs. At 10 I call him.
“Aren’t you sleeping down here tonight?”
“Do you need me to?” He still sounds mad. “You haven’t been having any dizziness or headaches today, right?”
“No.”
“Then I’ll probably just stay up here.”
“But we only have two nights left before I leave and then we’ll be apart for a week.”
“Do you need me to sleep down there or not? Just tell me what you want.”
“Forget it. I’ll sleep alone.”
He hangs up without saying goodbye or goodnight or that he loves me. I know he said he needs some time to calm down, but I wish he’d find another way to manage his anger. When he pushes me away like this and refuses to talk to me I start to lose faith in our future. All my fears about committing to him come flooding back into my mind. I revert back to the old Jade. The Jade who doesn’t want or need anyone in her life because people just let you down.
Whenever I feel like this, I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not the old Jade. I can’t think like her anymore. I can’t let her doubts and anger and fears taint my judgment. Doing so will just turn me back into the person I don’t want to be.
