Page 50 of Snow Blind
"Helen," he said again, taking a pause, "I am your man, your husband, and your champion, but first and foremost, I am your friend. As friends, and all those other things, we should be honest with each other."
"Okay, honest."
"Will you always be honest with me?" he asked.
"Probably not completely," she told him.
"Is there a reason why you would opt to not be honest with the man who shares your life?"
"Jay," she said, taking a pause, "most men say they want honesty, and when you are, there is punishment and retribution. The retribution comes from the other person's unwillingness to take the words constructively, but personally. Therefore, there may be times my words to you shall be buffered, as you will do to me."
"You think I will buffer my responses to you?"
"Yep."
"Like what?"
Helen turned on the couch and looked him in the eyes. There were things she wanted to say to him, and things she wanted to tell her man, but couldn't. If he knew half of what had occurred in her life over the past six months, he'd want to make her quit to stay home baking him cookies. However, if he wanted to test his theory, she was all for it.
"Janis at your office considers herself your work wife," she said. "How many times have you spoken to her about me, especially on the weeks when I'm not here and you're feeling lonely?"
Mustang blinked several times. Helen had only met the woman on Friday and didn't have a conversation with Janis, but she'd picked up on something he may not have been aware of himself. He squinted.
"See what I mean," she said.
"Okay, then you share a truth with me," he said.
"Sure; fire your barber," Helen said. "That tape line is disrespectful to your forehead and profile."
Mustang found himself nearly choking in laughter. "I trimmed it myself."
Helen held up her hand as she rose from the couch. In the kitchen from under the counter, she removed her purse. She pulled a crisp hundred from her wallet and brought it over to him. He accepted the bill.
"You're paying for my next haircut?"
"Yes, by a professional, and get a pedicure too, ‘cuz them feetz are rough," she said, winking at him.
"I love you," he confessed. "I've never met anyone like you, and I am almost entranced by you, Helen. When you came to my office on Friday with your little basket of goodies, I couldn't get over how absolutely lovely you looked. I had a moment of shameful pride at knowing you were mine."
"That's sweet," she said, crinkling her nose and leaning up to kiss his cheek. "Just so you know, and I want to be clear on this, I will break into Janis' house while she's sleeping and plug her asshole with fire crackers that I can detonate remotely. That heffah don't want none of this. She'd better back off my man."
He found himself laughing again. He squeezed her tight, thinking of all the random fairy tale creatures dancing about in that head of hers. He wanted to know about her training, yet he was afraid to understand what she had to do to learn to deal with the ugliness of the world. If she told him honestly, he'd want her to quit. He already wanted her to quit and he felt like a shit in doing so.
"I want to know, but the alpha male in me will want to go all protective, beat my chest, show you my bank statements, and ask you to stay home," he said. "I have no right, so I won't ask, but I will support."
"For that, I love you more and more each moment of each day," she told him. "I don't know why I have to do this, but I do. There are Oscars out there waiting for someone to show up to rescue them. Rooms with women locked in cages, sold to men for sadistic pleasures and holding onto hope that someone is coming. Whatever the reason I am on this path, I have to see it through. Even when I have to do shit that won't let me sleep, at the end of the night, I'm coming home to you. Love on me, cuddle with me, and hold me close to your heart. In return, I shall do the same."
"Simple enough," he said. "Helen, when you've had enough or have seen a situation you can't close out of your mind, say the word. I will come for you every time."
"And when Janis progresses to touching you for no reason, say the word and that bung hole of hers will get plugged," she said laughing. "Seriously, I hear you, and when it's time to call it quits, you won't have to come for me. I will be home, my weapons cleaned and stored."
"And the boy?"
"Who, Oscar?"
"Yeah," he said, thinking about her father. "We can have a good life, just us, but after meeting and talking to your father, I was worried that maybe what you see in me is the narcissist in him. A life with no kids and no worries, just my expensive toys, makes me feel like, I don't know, if he is what I will turn into in my old age."
Helen set down her mug. He had her full attention and she felt a surge of anger course through her entire being. She could barely blink as she processed his words.
