When"Iris"ends,"Name"starts playing next, and it feels like this moment will stay frozen in time forever. Me looking down at the boy with sad eyes who deserves a whole damn sky full of stars.
I make a serious promise to myself right then—I'll never ever let him go. I'll always be there for him, just like this, holding on to him until all the bad stuff goes away.
Until nobody can hurt him ever again.
Nate falls asleep in my lap while the music plays in our ears. His head feels heavy against me, and looking at him, I know for sure that this is the boy I love. Even if he's a little bit messy and a little bit damaged, he's perfect to me.
I don't know much about fighting monsters, but loving Nate is like the first time I heard my favorite song—I knew it would be my favorite forever.
And he was my favorite. Forever.
CHAPTER33
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAKE
NATE
PRESENT DAY
It's quiet.Too quiet as I step through the front door of the lake house. The air feels wrong—thick and suffocating, like the walls are closing in around me. My lungs struggle against the heaviness as I scan the empty living room. This place is supposed to be peaceful, but this silence? It's the kind that makes your skin crawl, the kind that warns you something's terribly wrong.
Then I see her.
Mom, lying there on the floor, her body contorted at impossible angles. Her face is ashen, eyes vacant, staring into nothingness. Blood seeps into the floorboards beneath her, spreading like dark watercolors on wet paper. My legs lock up, refusing to carry me closer, refusing to let me accept this reality. But it's real. And it's my fault.
"Mom!" The scream tears from somewhere deep inside me, my voice shattering like glass. "No, no, no, NO!"
I collapse to my knees, trembling hands reaching for her lifeless body. I pull her into my lap as if my touch alone could breathe life back into her. The panic claws up my throat, turning my vision blurry, my breaths coming in sharp, desperate gasps.
How did I let this happen?
I'm rocking back and forth, clutching her close when I hear it—a voice cutting through the chaos in my head. Soft. Familiar. Her voice.
"Nate..."
I freeze, my heart stumbling. For a moment, I think I've finally lost it completely.
Her voice pulls me up from the darkness. But this can't be real. None of this is real.
"Nate, wake up," she whispers again, closer now.
I blink, disoriented, as Mom's body slips from my grip. The floor tilts beneath me, reality shifting like sand through an hourglass. The blood fades, the walls blur, and when I look down again, it's not Mom I'm holding.
It's me. Lifeless.
My heart slams against my ribs, but her voice keeps calling, tugging me toward consciousness. The nightmare crumbles piece by piece, dissolving like smoke, and suddenly, I'm not in the living room anymore. I'm in my bed, and Nora's straddling me, her hands pressed against my chest, shaking me gently. Her face hovers above mine, brows knitted with concern, eyes searching. Her breath fans warm against my neck as she whispers,
"Nate, you're okay. It's just a nightmare."
My body reacts before my mind catches up. In one fluid motion, I flip her over, pinning her to the mattress. Panic courses through my veins, adrenaline making everything feel too fast, too raw, too real. Her eyes widen in shock, and for a split second, I'm lost between reality and dreams. All I know is the fear—the kind that chokes you, that drowns you, and follows you even in your sleep.
I see that same fear reflected in her eyes.
I never know what to do when the nightmares come like this. The lines between reality and imagination blur until I can't tell what's real anymore. They've been worse lately, with no drugs to numb them, no high to silence the noise. Just this—the crushing weight of everything I'm terrified of. Reality crashes into me like a tidal wave, and I scramble off her like her skin burns mine.
"Fuck—Nora, I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to—God, I didn't mean to grab you like that."
She shakes her head, sitting up slowly. Her breathing is still quick, but the fear in her eyes has been replaced with something softer.
