Page 42 of Differences
Every Sunday, my mama, Rae, and I would have a big breakfast around the kitchen table, just the three of us. I remembered her coming home worn out from work but still making the time to make sure she heard about our day. We might not have had a lot back then, but looking back, it seemed big to me.
My phone kept ringing nonstop, yet I didn’t answer it. I hadn’t let my job know what was going on, so I wouldn’t be surprised if I was fired. I didn’t care. There was nothing that mattered to me any longer. My sleep schedule was off. I spent most of the day sleeping and staying up, drinking all night into the early morning. It was 2:05 a.m., and just like clockwork, I was making my way to the liquor cabinet. The habit I gained of opening the cabinet door, removing the top, and chugging from the bottle was second nature. The liquid burned my throat. This was a relief despite everything that had transpired, yet it wasn’t enough. All I wanted to do was call Taja. I longed for her. I wanted to call and apologize for the way I spoke to her, but I knew Taja, and I knew she wouldn’t even look at me after the way I spoke to her. Grief had a weird way of taking over your body.
In the middle of my taking another swig from the bottle, there was a loud banging at the door, scaring me, which caused me to drop the bottle. The bottle shattered, and glass was everywhere. The smell of whiskey filled the room like a scented candle.
“Fuck!” I cursed.
I marched over toward the door, looking through the peephole. Keezy stood outside the door, looking uneasy. It was strange that he was here at the time, and his body language had me on guard.
“What’s up, Keezy? What the hell are you doing here this late?” I asked, still looking through the peephole.
“Man, I’m worried about you. I’ve been calling and calling, and you ain’t been answering. I’m worried about you,” he repeated.
“I’m cool. You ain’t have to come over here. Shit, especially at this time.”
“Well, at least let me see that you’re good.”
I contemplated the request for a few seconds, then finally opened the door.
“See?” I held my arms out in front of me. “I’m good.”
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a slap came across my head. I winced in pain, grabbing the side of my head.
“What the fuck?” I shouted.
“I should’ve hit you harder!” Rae stood there with a mean mug on her face. “I should’ve been beating your ass, but our mother wanted to spare you.” She scowled at me. “Move out of the way.”
She pushed past me. She marched into my condo as if she owned it. While still holding my head, I looked at Keezy, who was trying his best to hold in his laugh.
“The fuck? You brought her over here?”
He nodded, walking in. “Hell yeah, you see how she is when she is mad. I was not getting caught in the crossfire.”
“Punk ass,” I said, walking away from him.
By the time I reached my sister, she was studying the sight in front of her. Her nose was scrunched up, and her hands were on her hips.
“Rae, what is it?”
She shot her eyes at me. “Are you fucking serious, Wes?”
I cringed at her tone. She was pissed off beyond measure.
“What you talking about?”
She waved her arms in the air. “Look at this nasty ass place! The air smells like ass, liquor, and spoiled food! If this is your way of grieving, then you need to get help.”
I rolled my eyes. “Rae, I don’t feel like hearing this shit right now.”
“You think I give a fuck?” She looked at Keezy. “Key, do me a favor, find a broom, and sweep some of this stuff up while I talk to this jackass.”
Like a dog being told what to do, Keezy did as Rae said. I looked back and forth between the two. There was something between them. Keezy didn’t take kindly to people telling him what to do, but his doing whatever Rae asked with a smile was shocking. I didn’t care enough to address it at the moment. There were other things I could be worried about.
“Rae, what is it that you want?” I asked.
“I need you more than anything right now, Wes. I can’t do this shit by myself. Ma wanted us to work together and get back to how we were before shit went down. It’s all in her will.”
“Rae, please do whatever you want to do. I can’t and won’t. Shit, she died thinking I hated her, and she probably hated me too.” I felt my voice cracking.
