“How bad?”
“She told me I was naive and would pay for it.”
“You’re not, and you won’t.”
Eddie’s smile was sad. “The worst thing about it is that she says these things with the intention to cause me pain. Whether she’s right or not is irrelevant. But I have only myself to blame. I know she’s like that, and yet I keep trying to be close with her. It’s like I’ve been slapped so many times, but keep coming for more.”
“It’s not your fault. You don’t deserve any of this.”
“You keep saying that.”
“It’s true. You’re amazing, Eddie, and with every day I know you, I’m more in awe of you.”
After that, he was quiet, not agreeing with me but not protesting either. I didn’t push him to tell me more or promise me anything. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but I didn’t have the right. Not yet.
We didn’t have sex, and I didn’t bite him. I was just grateful he let me hold him as he slept in my bed. It took him a long time to fall asleep, but he must have been exhausted because he didn’t stir until the alarm went off.
I closed my eyes for a couple of hours, but most of the night, I spent watching Eddie’s serene face and remembering.
Who had I even been before I caught his skittish gaze at the dinner club on Twenty-third Street?
* * *
In the morning, he acted calm and somber. We had to arrive at the office separately, so I let him go first. He gave me a small smile when we said goodbye at my door, but his eyes remained sad.
It was Friday, and he’d be back later tonight. If Eddie still wanted to come, we were supposed to drive south for our getaway tomorrow.
I knew what I had to do, and now that I’d decided, it felt so easy.
At the Fowles & Tito headquarters, I walked straight past the glass cubicles. I didn’t check if Eddie sat in his—because the next time I spoke to him, he wouldn’t have to hide anymore.
When I found Anthony Fowles in his office, he looked preoccupied and asked me to meet him after lunch instead. I didn’t want to wait, though.
“If you have a few minutes, I’d rather do this now,” I said.
He paused, scanning my face. “It’s urgent, then?”
“Yes. I need to resign.”
His face remained impassive. He sat in his chair and folded his arms over his chest, looking me up and down.
“Reason?”
“I behaved unprofessionally. I have developed powerful romantic feelings toward one of my subordinates, which will sooner or later affect my judgment and leadership performance.”
Anthony sighed. He looked disappointed but not in the least surprised. Had he suspected something? Or, after decades in this business, nothing could surprise him anymore. “I assume we’re talking about Eddie,” he deadpanned.
Not like there were many options. “That’s beside the point.”
“Do you want me to move him?”
“No, Anthony. This is on me. I won’t under any circumstances have Eddie’s career in the least disrupted.”
A few seconds passed, during which he sat still as a statue, watching me. “That’s not for you to decide, is it?”
“It’s not his fault.”
He grabbed a pen, tapped it onto his desk, and twirled it between his fingers. His bushy brows nearly touched each other, he was scowling so darkly. Some frustration finally made it through his stony facade.
