Page 65 of Can't Win 'Em All
“So, just so I’m clear, you’re saying that you don’t want to date me.”
I studied him for a beat, trying to decipher how he really felt about the situation. “You didn’t ask me out on a date,” I hedged finally. “You just suggested you might have feelings.”
“And if I were to ask you out on a date?”
Was he serious? He seemed serious enough. Still, it was Rex. He flitted from one thing to another with lightning speed. He would change his mind about this in record time.
You want him to be serious, though.
My inner voice had a very specific opinion on the subject. The truth was, feelings I didn’t believe possible were starting to pop up when I spent time with Rex. When it was just the two of us and we were in our little bubble, I could believe almost anything.
He was attentive. He listened well. I laughed more with him than I’d ever laughed with anybody else. He was tactile, always brushing my hair out of my face, and giving of heart and mind. He also wasn’t ready. Not for a relationship, and not for fatherhood. He was getting there when it came to the latter. He was learning and putting in the time. We were both going to be panicky messes when the baby arrived and there would be a learning curve. I had zero doubts about him as a father. As for anything beyond that, though, I had nothing but doubts.
Rex might go into a romantic relationship with all of the best intentions. He really didn’t have a mean or manipulative bone in his body. Sure, he was occasionally immature and obnoxious, but nobody was perfect. He just wasn’t ready for a serious relationship. The recent thing with Link was only further proof of that. I couldn’t deal with an irrationally jealous Neanderthal as a mate when there was going to be a baby to take care of in four months. The baby had to be my focus.
“Rex, listen to me.” I snagged his hand before he could go back to rubbing my feet. “I’m always going to adore you. For as long as I can remember, you’ve been the one person who could always make me laugh.
“Through all the crap with my dad, you were always there offering a shoulder to lean on,” I continued. “As friends, though. You’re not ready to be my boyfriend … or anything beyond what you already are. Don’t you think that being a father is enough for right now?”
“I haven’t gotten that far,” Rex admitted. “I just know I don’t like how I’ve been feeling.”
“And how have you been feeling?” I was honestly curious.
“I didn’t like you saying you didn’t remember the orgasms.” His cheeks were bright red now as his embarrassment became obvious. “I know that’s juvenile. I hear it when I say it. I just … hate it.”
I waited him out. He wasn’t done. Plus, admitting I remembered the orgasms felt like a door that maybe I shouldn’t be opening.
“Then when I saw you flirting with Link?—”
“I wasn’t flirting.”
“It looked like flirting.”
I was exasperated. “Rex, give me a break. When have you ever known me to get involved with somebody at the casino?”
He gave me a pointed look.
“A drunken night with you notwithstanding,” I automatically corrected. “Also, you don’t count. I’ve known you forever. You’re in a class all your own.”
That seemed to placate him, if only marginally. “I just want to be clear here.” He leaned forward. “You’re saying you don’t want to date me, right?”
He really wasn’t letting this go. “I’m saying that we should try to ease into parenthood with as much grace as we’re capable of. My hormones are out of whack. You’re adjusting. Let’s have the baby, get through what I’m certain will be a hellish few months, and then see where we are six months from now.”
To me, that sounded utterly reasonable. Rex frowned, however. “Fine.” His lips flattened into a grim line. “If that’s what you want, then I guess I have no choice but to respect your wishes.”
“Don’t sound so thrilled about it,” I teased. “Believe it or not, I’m trying to do the best thing for all of us. It’s entirely possible, once your kid is out of me, you’ll realize you never had feelings for me at all. Maybe, just maybe, you look at me and see the little girl you want to spoil.”
He worked his jaw. “I honestly don’t think that’s it.”
“Well, the good news is, if the feelings are still there in six months, we’ll be able to talk about it again. It’s not as if I’m going anywhere. My understanding is that I’ll be so exhausted, and look like death warmed over, for the first few months. It’s not as if anybody will be banging down my door demanding dates.”
There was something I desperately needed him to understand. “We don’t have to do all of this on a timetable … despite my lists. Let’s take the proper time to really think things through, because if we rush into something and fail … then that’s it. There’s no getting that chance back a second time.”
He nodded. “I understand what you’re saying.”
“And you agree?”
“No.” He shook his head, catching me off guard. “I don’t actually agree at all. I’m going to do what you want, though, because you’ve been right so far.”
