Page 26 of Can't Win 'Em All
“Because Zach spent time with you when we were growing up. He was protective of you from a young age. He … it’s just different.”
Livvie crossed her arms and glared. It was obvious she wasn’t going anywhere.
It was time to take a different tack. “Ruby is not you, and I am not Zach. You always had a crush on him. She has never had a crush on me.”
“I don’t actually think that’s true. I’ve seen the way you two interact. It’s playful and flirty.”
“Okay, maybe it is, but it’s still not the same thing. We do it just because we do it. On top of that, Zach was already looking to make a change when you guys got married. He wasn’t interested in partying the way we used to. He wanted something more.
“Now, I don’t think he realized what that something more was,” I continued. “In fact, when he started having real feelings for you, I’m convinced it was as much of a surprise to him as it was to everybody else. That doesn’t change the fact that he was in a different place right from the start.”
Livvie’s expression was hard to read. “So, you’re basically saying that you don’t want a change in your life.”
“It’s not something I’ve been considering.”
“So, you don’t want to be a father?”
“I do. I just thought…well, I thought it would happen about the time I hit forty. I figured I would meet a woman then—she would have to be younger of course—and we would settle down and have a kid. That’s still years away.”
She didn’t laugh or commiserate. Instead, she rolled her eyes. “Basically what you’re saying is that your dream is to hit forty, find some twenty-something working in the casino, make her fall in love with you, and then settle down with a trophy wife.”
I was suddenly uncomfortable. “Did you have to phrase it like that?”
“Am I wrong?”
“I don’t know.” Frustration reared up and grabbed me by the throat. “I want someone to love like Zach loves you, but I thought I would have more time. Never once did it occur to me that it should be Ruby.”
I hopped to my feet so I could restlessly pace. “Let’s be reasonable here, Livvie, Ruby is not the type to settle down either. I’m surprised she even wants to be a mother.”
“I think Ruby has been questioning what to do with her life since before everything went down with Ryder. She was like Zach, at loose ends and not sure what she wanted. Seeing how her parents’ marriage was playing out had to give her pause.”
I waited for her to continue. There was no way she was done.
“Ryder made it so Pearl, Opal, and Ruby didn’t want to get married,” she explained. “He was trying to foist them off on other Vegas families as part of business deals. Of course they were cynical about relationships. They all dug their heels in and refused to play the game. That’s how they rebelled. Now that Ryder is out of the picture, though…” She trailed off.
“I wasn’t expecting to be a father at this point in my life,” I gritted out. “I’m not ready.”
“Sometimes you can’t be ready for that stuff. You have to learn on the job. Are you telling me that you’re going to see Ruby with your child in a year and not feel anything?”
“No, I’m not saying that.” Just picturing that made me itchy. I didn’t know how to explain it. “I’m saying that Ruby doesn’t want me flitting in and out of the baby’s life … and I get that. She told me to take some time and make my decision because I was only getting one shot at it.”
Confusion had Livvie’s eyebrows knitting together. “I don’t understand what that means.”
“She said that she doesn’t want me deciding to be a father and then changing my mind when the kid is two or three,” I started.
“You would never do that.”
“I know. She also doesn’t want me deciding I want nothing to do with the kid and trying to insert myself into the picture years down the line. She wants a firm decision from me.”
“Okay.” Livvie dragged out the one word. “I think that’s more than reasonable.”
“I do too. I just … shouldn’t we be married? I mean, we’re having a kid together. Shouldn’t we be married when that happens? That’s normally how it works.”
“I don’t think you should get married simply because there’s a child involved.” She looked to be choosing her words carefully. “I also don’t think that decision needs to be made right now. Is there any reason you two can’t coparent together? You don’t have to be a couple. At least not to start.”
It was her mischievous smile that gave me pause. “Oh, this isn’t some romance book, Livvie,” I chided. “I know exactly what you’re thinking.”
She was the picture of innocence. “And what’s that?”
