Page 71 of Courtroom Drama
Durrant Hammerstead objects again, and Damon and I both rush to be the first to draw the tally mark. I beat him by a hair, grabbing his arm with my free hand to slow him down. I look up at him, and he glares so defiantly that I have to hold back a laugh. I can see him bite at the inside of his cheek to hold back his. I realize our actions are juvenile, but to be fair, the D.A. and witness are discussing backyard tarantulas that the prosecution seems to think are some kind of nefarious revenge plot.
Judge Gillespy once again cautiously allows D.A. Stern to proceed, and Ms. Pembrooke, for her part, holds her poise. “Tarantulas can be common in southern California, especially during mating season. Haven’t you ever seenThe Kardashians? Kourtney had an infestation in her yard once.”
“I don’t watchThe Kardashians,”D.A. Stern says flatly. He presses his lips together tightly in contemplation. “That’s quite the career shift,” he muses, “from studying arthropods to becoming a house manager.”
“Not a lot of money in entomology,” she concedes.
“No? What about in house management? How much does Mrs. Kitsch pay you?”
D.A. Stern is all over the place. I wonder if this is some ploy of his, to disarm her with a bunch of curveballs.
“Objection,” Durrant Hammerstead proclaims, just as I catch Margot pressing her fingertips to her right temple. “Relevance.”
“Your Honor, I’m merely trying to understand the specifics of Ms. Pembrooke’s working arrangement with the Kitsch family.”
“I’ll allow it,” Judge Gillespy says, then squeezes her eyes shut in a long blink of frustration.
Durrant Hammerstead tugs at the sides of his suit jacket aggressively and sits.
D.A. Stern approaches the witness. “I’ll ask again. What is the compensation for your work as house manager for the Kitsch family?”
“Two hundred thousand dollars per year.”
There’s a rumble across the courtroom, and Cam mutters, “No shit,” under his breath behind me.
“I can only imagine the lengths one might go to keep a job like that,” D.A. Stern says, his back turned to the witness.
This time, neither Damon nor I dare to draw a tally mark.
The D.A. holds his hands up in concession. “No further questions.” He returns to the prosecution table, sits, and crosses his left ankle over his right knee as if kicking back at a neighborhood barbecue.
34.
Alibi (n.)
a claim or piece of evidence that one was elsewhere when an act, especially a criminal one, is alleged to have taken place
a true best friend
Over the next two days, the defense calls a handful of character witnesses and a medical expert of their own. It’s no surprise their medical expert states that Joe having died of natural causes is “highly likely” and that there are many reasons someone seemingly healthy might drop dead as the result of cardiac arrest. He is also sure to emphasize that to prove there was tetrahydrozoline or any other similar active ingredient or “poison” in someone’s system, there would need to be additional bloodwork, which was not done. Through his testimony, the defense’s case that Joe’s death did not involve any sort of foul play is hammered home.
Today, Durrant Hammerstead calls Alizay DuPont to the stand. AnotherAuthentic Moms of Malibucast member and heir to the DuPont family microwave empire, Alizay’s real name is Alice, though I suppose her stage name is better suited for her thriving OnlyFans. Ever the entrepreneur, she also has a line of canned rosé called Alizay All Day, sold exclusively at Whole Foods for a whopping twenty-two dollars a can, and spends summers on tour as the headliner of a one-woman cabaret show. I immediately perk, pen gripped tightly in hand, the tip already pressed to the notepad in my lap, ready to document all her details.
Alizay DuPont is Margot’s best friend, at least on the show, and was with her the morning Joe died. Her solid, verified alibi. This is one of the details the media covered extensively pretrial.
Alizay enters the courtroom, and I’m immediately struck by how petite she is. On TV, her persona is sizable. But in real life, she’s more of a Chihuahua (with the feisty personality to match).
Alizay is also the meme queen of the show, with several of her televised moments having circulated social media. The most viral is the moment she had glitter slime rubbed into her hair by Tenley Storms at a party for the launch of her fictional children’s book about a little girl named Zay who, despite the many naysayers in her life, chases her dream of becoming a reality TV star. I gifted a copy to my mom for Gen when she was born. The incident caused a two-season-long legal battle between the two. Eventually, they settled out of court. Notably, Alizay’sAuthentic Momstagline is now “I’m a glitter bomb of fun.”
With her fresh face and RBG pearls, Alizay is dressed as though her Halloween costume is that of “courtroom witness.” She wears a sturdy black pantsuit with a white button-down shirt beneath, collar folded over the blazer, and oversized black-rimmed cat-eye glasses, which I am fairly certain she doesn’t have a prescription for. They don’t do much to hide her aggressively laminated eyebrows. And this is the first time I’ve seen her don sensible black heels. Her shoe closet is like a view into a textile factory.
Alizay takes a seat on the witness stand, is sworn in, and smiles at Margot. Margot smiles back, though it’s more of a cautious frown than anything.
“Ms. DuPont, tell us how you know Margot Kitsch,” Durrant Hammerstead inquires.
“We are both cast members onAuthentic Moms of Malibu,” she says, looking around the room. “We met in season one, almost eight years ago now.”
“And how would you describe your relationship with Margot?”
