“Um,yeah.”
“Why, Stella?” she challenges.
Because I can’t get my heart broken again.
“Because it’s just not a good idea, okay?” I say instead. “What’s next on your damn list?”
Janelle doesn’t miss a beat. “Number two: It’s clear that you already like him.”
I shake my head, but I’m lying to us both. “I don’t like him like…that.”
“Oh, baby girl.” A grin spreads slowly across her face. “You’re fully sprung for that man.”
I almost choke on the eggs I’ve shoveled into my mouth. It’s a few seconds before I recover enough to speak. “I amnot.”
“You so are. I bet you’re already thinking about what your little biracial babies would look like.”
“Janelle!”
She shrugs and takes a bite of her food, chewing thoughtfully and then swallowing. “Number three.”
“Oh, here we fucking go.”
“No one said youhaveto get divorced.”
I squint at her. “It was part of our agreement from the very beginning. Of course we do.”
“Don’t go acting like some oblivious little girl,” she reprimands. “There’s no reason this marriage can’t turn into something real, even if it started out as a mistake.”
I hunch in my seat. She’s not completely wrong, but the idea of deviating from my original plan and allowing things to change along the way makes my skin crawl. Then again, didn’t I tell myself to stop making plans?
“I don’t know if it ever could,” I admit. “I don’t know if we could last in the long term. And who knows, this may just be a silly crush that will go away the next time I get laid.”
Janelle considers for a moment, then levels me with a curious stare. “Should we do a pro and con list to see if this is the real deal?”
With our type A personalities, we both love a pro and con list, so I kick it off, even if I don’t think it’s going to help in this situation. “Pro: Thomas is so handsome it should be illegal.”
She nods with solemn enthusiasm. “I love Ron with my whole heart, but…yeah, you’re right.”
“Con,” I immediately follow up, “he’s younger than me.”
She scoffs. “By like two years, Stella, come on. He’s old enough to eat corn bread without getting choked.”
“Fine.” I hold my fork up in defeat. “Pro: He’s shockinglynice. Just really, really kind. He actually cares about my opinion and how things make me feel.”
“Honestly, that’s a three-pointer. It shouldn’t be so difficult to find a man who treats you like a real human being deserving of respect, but it is.”
“Con: The other day he slapped his thighs and said ‘Right’ before he stood up.”
She winces. “Okay, that’s about negative five points.”
“Pro: He found a nail place for meanda salon to get my hair done weekly.”
“We’re back in the positives, baby.”
“And get this—he insists on paying for both every time.”
Janelle leans back, pressing a hand to her chest. “I’d say marry him if you weren’t already married.”
