“Do you want me to come with you?” I ask quietly.
It’s a last-ditch effort to stay with her. Even if we can’t stay here, we can stay together.
Her hesitation buoys my heart, but it’s quick to drown under a crashing wave when she shakes her head and stares at the floor.
“I have to do this on my own.” It’s a firm statement. “And you have work to focus on. I won’t ever ask you to put me before it.”
I do have work, but I’d toss it all aside if she said she needed me. “I can—”
“Thomas.” She shakes her head, telling me not to finish that sentence. “I need to go.”
Please don’t say goodbye. Please don’t tell me this is the end.
I get my wish when she leaves without another word.
Chapter 32
Stella
“I can’t believe you’re actually going to talk to him.”
I shoot Mika a look, not appreciating her bringing this up again when we’ve already been over it. I’m fresh off an eight-hour flight from London and back in the kitchen of my Alexandria house, drinking the last bottle of wine I left behind while my best friend berates me. It’s not where I want to be, but even with her questioning my life choices, I was glad to find her waiting on my doorstep when I got here.
“I already told you,” I say as patiently as I can. “Étienne and I have a lot of stuff to settle, including what the hell we’re going to do with this house.” I motion to the vast, empty monstrosity we’re sitting in that I can’t wait to get rid of.
Mika’s still not having it. “Which could have been handled by lawyers without you having to leave behind your sexy-ass husband who’sclearlyin love with you, especially since he didn’t want you to leave in the first place.” She narrows her eyes, searching my face, and I wish I hadn’t confessed the whole story to her. “Why are you doing this to yourself?”
It’s a great question, because whyamI doing this to myself? Icould have ignored Étienne’s message asking if we could talk, along with the five others that came in after it, all of them begging me to give him a chance to explain himself. I know now, though, that he wasn’t begging. All those words, thePlease let me explain, theI want to do this face-to-face, theI just want you to come home so we can handle thiswere demands wrapped in the shroud of a plea.
But last night, I couldn’t see through it. The sick adrenaline rush of his name appearing on my phone after months of silence was enough to steal my breath, my confidence, and my good sense. Suddenly, I was back in the church, alone and grieving. The woman who waited for hours and days and weeks for him to return had finally—finally—gotten what she wanted. He’d come back.
It was what I wanted all along…except I didn’t feel the relief or the comfort or the joy I thought I would. It was only soul-crushing guilt and self-loathing for staying with him for so long. And worse, for still feeling tied to him, for feeling like I had some fuckingobligation. I couldn’t say no to him asking me to come back, because our tie hasn’t quite been severed yet.
The person Thomas saw on the floor of my bedroom was the worst version of myself, hollowed out by the man who I couldn’t bring myself to tell him I was going to see. Yet Thomas knew without me even having to say Étienne’s name, as if my reaction was answer enough.
I didn’t want him to witness me that way, so broken and bloodied. But every horrible thing I’d felt in the aftermath of Étienne leaving was back full-force, and it made me hurt Thomas in a way I wish I could take back. I can’t, though, so all I can do now is make sure it wasn’t in vain.
Étienne made a mistake by leaving me on our wedding day. But he’s about to discover that he’s made an even bigger one by inviting me back into his life.
“Seriously,” Mika pushes on. “What reason do you even have to speak to him again?”
“Because I need closure, Mika,” I snap, setting my wineglass down a little too hard. “Because I want to look into his eyes and finally ask him why he left me like that. I want this over with for good.”
She’s silent for a beat, head cocked to the side. “What if you don’t like the answer?”
“There’s no answer he could give me that I’d like.” I take a breath to ease the anger in my chest, both at myself and at him. “But I need to hear it from his mouth so I can close this chapter of my life and move on.”
“Move on with Thomas?”
I stay quiet, even though every cell inside of me is screaming,Yes, with Thomas, if he’ll have me. I don’t know if he will after the way I left. He may hate me now for all I know.
If you give him a single reason to fight, he will.
Amara’s words ring through my head. So far, the only thing I’ve done is push Thomas away. I haven’t given him a reason to fight, but I’m praying I haven’t made him want to give up on me. I won’t get the answer to that until I’m done here.
“We’ll see,” I say, sliding off my barstool and extending a hand to help her up. Étienne is supposed to arrive soon, and the last thing I need is for her to be here threatening to fight him, so she needs to mosey her way back home.
“Well, is the wedding still on?” she asks as she takes my hand. She’s out of her cast and in a brace for the last bit of healing her leg needs to do, but she’s still wobbly on her feet. “You need to let people know if it’s not. The whole family is flying out on Thursday.”
