I might have put on a brave face for this meeting, but a dagger rests in my chest. I’m scared that if I try to pull it out, I’ll bleed out on the faded carpet. Every time I blink, I see Madison as she walked away. I see the puffiness of her eyes, the way her shoulders sagged under the weight of her heartbreak. And it kills me. With every blink the dagger pushes its way a little further in. Tearing open my heart and crushing my soul.
“Talk to me.” Mateo stands from his chair. “I saw you with the young woman. She’s a student, isn’t she?”
“How could you tell?”
“I have a way.” He waves a hand in front of his face. “But that’s not important. I saw the way you looked at each other. Like she was the sun, and you were the moon. Two bright bodies in the sky, but you’re only alight because of her.”
Bingo, that’s exactly how I feel. She lights up everything, and everyone around her.
“We met before we knew, but yes. She is a student.”
“And that is why I wanted to talk to you about the position. Take some time to think about it. But promise me that you will.”
I nod, exiting the tiny office and retreating to my car.
Even if I took this job, if I left the university and we could be together in the way that she deserves, would she still want me? After all the pain I caused, I doubt it. She said she was choosing herself, and I respect that, but I need her to choose me too. To choose us.
I need to know she is on our side before I change everything.
Driving to work, I can’t focus. Mateo’s words turn over in my head, adding to the battling emotions inside my head. Inside my soul.
I’m still thinking about them as I gather my notes from my office, and I’m still thinking about them when I enter the lecture hall. One look. One look at her and I’ll know what to do. I’m sure of it.
But she isn’t there. Her front and centre seat is bare, revealing the faded burgundy felt where hundreds of students have sat before. I search the rows, looking for my sun, but she isn’t anywhere.
My hands shake as I connect to the screen and straighten my notes. I fumble words, lose my place, forget how to start the slideshow correctly. Someone from far back in the room asks if I’m okay, but I brush them off.
Despite doing my best to finish the lecture, I fall marvellously short. It was a mess. I’m a mess. I knew I hurt her, but for her to not come to class.Fuck. I’ve really messed this up. It’s not like her to skip class, to put her scholarship at risk. Even with everything that fell to pieces between us, I never imagined she wouldn’t show up to my lecture.
I need to find her. But first I need to make a call.
My phone is out of my pocket before I’ve finished dismissing the class. It only rings twice.
“Professor Fraser.”
Mateo’s voice is shrill as he answers the phone.
“Mateo, who do I have to call?”
“Me, you call me.”
Air escapes in a grunt.
“Not you. Who do I call about the board position?”
“Me, Oliver. I’m the chairman. You want it?”
This feels too easy, but I’m too worked up to care.
“I want it.”
Hanging up the phone, I race to the one place on campus Madison might be. The place I know she loves. The place we both love. The place we met.
MADISON
Ifeel like a coward. I guess I am, hiding away in my corner of the library when I’m supposed to be in class. It puts my scholarship at risk, but the alternative was facing Professor Fraser. And I can’t bring myself to do that.
Not yet.
