Or pacing, worried about what it could mean if he didn’t.
Neither option sat well with me, even if I wasn’t in the mood to make nice with others.
“You all right?” she asked, shoving her car into drive and pulling from the curb.
I watched the building disappear as she turned the corner and headed back downtown. “Tired. Long week.”
“Which is why we’re headed out. You like Mexican food?”
“Who doesn’t?”
“Sociopaths and serial killers, probably.”
I laughed despite my plummeting mood. Who cared if she was younger? Angie lived a hard life making her seem older. Plus, I needed friends that didn’t revolve around Hudson or his company.
My mom had done that. Made her life’s sole sphere of influence orbit around my dad and I figured she’d allow that to happen long before he became abusive. Hudson wasn’t him.
That didn’t mean it was healthy to have him be the only person in my life, his family the only one I could depend on.
It was the only reason why I didn’t back out of dinner. I’d listened to his voicemail. I was a half-second from calling him back when a woman’s voice called him handsome, and he immediately told me he had to go and hung up. His tone had changed, like he’d been caught. And all my earlier insecurities went on full blast.
Not that I thought for a single second he was cheating. I didn’t believe he was that kind of guy. But it didn’t make me hurry to call him back either, despite what he said about this woman being nothing to him. He was with her. Or someone. Maybe I was being too immature. Too emotional. But I’d grown up in a life where I didn’t exactly trust anyone and while I was trying to trust Hudson… he’d lied to me.
Again.
Given the way he’d behaved for the last week, I wasn’t certain where we stood at all and that had my mind racing and spinning in a hundred different directions.
As we drove over the bridge, I sighed.
“I’m so screwed up,” I said to Angie.
She huffed and her lips twitched. “Who isn’t? Guy problems?”
“Hudson’s ex-girlfriend came to see him at work today and I freaked out. So stupid.”
“Why?”
“I have no idea.”
Because he had never mentioned an ex being in his life, and he’d already held so much back from me. He’d hidden important facts I needed to know… should have known. I might understand why but that didn’t mean the pain they caused had vanished.
“Just forget it,” I sighed. It was too complicated to explain. Rehashing wouldn’t help. “How many people are going to be at dinner?”
She snorted and pulled into the parking garage. “I only asked like three other friends for dinner. Same with Josiah. He said some will be there and some will meet us after. They know of somewhere to go hang later. That okay?”
“Yeah. That’s fine.” Anything was better than being home and climbing my walls with my insecurity and fears as companions.
In my purse, my phone was a heavy weight. A constant reminder I’d ignored Hudson for no reason outside my insecurities. He’d asked me not to let him push him away, but I was doing the same thing.
Something, I decided, I’d fix once we were both home tonight. Maybe by then, I wouldn’t be feeling so batshit crazy. But I could start the process now.
I pulled out my phone and sent him a quick text.
Got your voicemail. We’ll talk later?
There. At least that way I wasn’t ignoring him. Unable to stop my constant swirling thoughts, I glanced at Angie.
“What in the hell do I get a man for Christmas who owns half the city?”
