Page 65 of All the Beautiful Things
It made sense. Her manner didn’t. Something was up with Ellen that made my blood sizzle with nerves. Hudson was right last night when he asked if it was even time for my appointment with her. Not that we stuck to them religiously. Ellen often made calls at random times to see me over the last eleven months since I met her.
All of it reminded me of my own questions I had for Ellen tonight. The final pieces I’d still been stewing on since trying to find the truth with Hudson and David.
“What would you like to drink?”
If she noticed the change in my tone, she didn’t show it. “Water, please. And thank you.”
Draping her extra-large-sized purse over the back of one of my kitchen chairs, she then removed her coat and glanced around the apartment. If she was looking for anything out of place, she wouldn’t see it. I’d stowed my school stuff in my entry closet, perfectly content to not think about classes for a month. And I hadn’t bought anything else for the apartment outside what it’d already been furnished with.
Once I filled two waters, I set them on the table and then went back to the kitchen for silverware and plates. “So, why did you want to meet tonight then?”
She smoothed her fingers across the table’s edge, like she was dusting crumbs off even though I’d just cleaned it. “I suspect things are different for you than they were a month ago. Thought we should talk about it.”
I stalled at the edge of the table. Her need to visit early. Her fidgeting with dust that didn’t exist. It all clicked together. “You know.”
A muscle in her cheek jumped before she nodded. “David called me after you two spoke.”
“Okay.” Collapsing into the chair across from her, I waited for her to say more. “So… what happened?”
She grabbed the plates I’d set down and dug out lo mein, pushing the sesame chicken I asked for toward me. I stared at the box and didn’t move.
“Hudson told me David contacted you after I was released.”
“He did.” She glanced at me as she twisted noodles around her fork. “I wasn’t thrilled about it.”
“Why?”
She sighed, shook her head. “Because David Valentine has a lot of pull in Des Moines. He’s influential, and one of the most well-known men in the city if not the state. He’s not usually the type of person who hunts down recently released prisoners or parole officers. It made me nervous, already knowing what I knew about you.”
This wasn’t anything I didn’t already know or suspect. “Did he say why?”
“No. Just that he wanted to help. Said he’d played a part in your parole which I knew because of the file, but that was all.” She leaned in and her voice softened. “He only called a few times. Wanted to see how you were adjusting. I got the sense he cared, but then, knowing your family, who your dad is, it made me cautious with the information I shared with him.”
“My dad…” I trailed off. A well-known guy in Des Moines and a judge in a differing state. I wouldn’t imagine the two could be connected in any way… but my dad’s reach was long, and if David knew judges here… I suppose that made some sense.
I tapped chopsticks she’d brought with the food to my plate. There were many things over the year and especially in the last two months that hadn’t always made sense to me. “You pay more attention to me than I would imagine is normal.”
She paused and sat back in her chair, tilting her head to the side. “Is that bad? Would you prefer if I ignored you and treated you like a number? Or a criminal?”
“No, obviously not, but I guess I don’t understand why.”
“Because I’m a human with emotions, Lilly.” She gave me a smile that made my eyes burn with tears. “Trust me. That first day when I was assigned your case and saw your file… your age…” She paused and let out a heavy sigh. “It’s not normal, what happened to you. You were a teenager and the boy who died was family. It’s much more common to receive probation. Community service. But I saw your dad’s name. I’ve heard of him. In the justice system we all have especially because he’s still so close to us. And I knew. I knew he made that happen to prove a point.”
The old anger ignited like a switch flipped and with it, something else. Because she knew. She’d always known. And because of that, she’d looked out for me. “If he won’t let his daughter off without jail time, why would he ever do it for anyone else.” I’d been a lesson he reinforced to prove to everyone how tough he was on crime. I knew it back then, but the reminder never lessened the anguish I felt about it. My dad used me for his own gain when he should have loved me, done all he could to help me.
“Exactly. You’d have to be a cyborg to not care with that knowledge in front of you.”
“Thank you,” I choked out. She’d always cared, and I hadn’t ever realized the depth of it until now. “Thank you for helping me,” I managed to get out before I had to drink water, swallow down tears. I would not lose it again. I’d cried enough in the last two weeks alone to last me a lifetime.
We ate our Chinese food, mine tasting more like cardboard from the conversation. Typical though whenever my dad was brought up. He could kill my appetite faster than anything. And I was considering reaching out to them again?
Why would I continue to torture myself?
“There’s another reason why I’m here tonight.”
Goodness.She’d already shared enough. What more could we have to discuss? Trepidation made my voice shake. “What?”
She slid her plate to the side and turned, digging into her purse the size of Chicago and pulled out a manila folder, thick with papers.
