Page 63 of All the Beautiful Things
“Iowa State isn’t that far away,” he said.
“The commute might not be possible,” she admitted with a soft voice, turning to focus on her food.
Dad shot me a look I chose to ignore. He wanted to do more. Always wanted to do more.
There was only so much he could do when her parole requirements were determined by laws and she was limited in how far she could travel and she couldn’t drive.
“What other tests do you have this week?” I was planning on working from here the rest of the week and I knew she had finals but couldn’t remember the classes. Hell, at this point I was surprised I remembered my own name.
“Office Admin and Economics. And Ellen called and asked me for dinner tomorrow night.”
“Monthly check-in already?” I could have sworn she went a few weeks ago, but so much had changed. As it was, she was skipping an AA meeting tonight although she’d already checked for other ones this coming weekend to make up for it.
“No, actually. She just called and asked me for dinner.” She shrugged. “Sometimes she does that. I think she likes me.”
“Who wouldn’t?” Dad said before I could. Not surprising how he could read my thoughts though. He yawned then, barely able to hide it behind his fist and pushed back from the table, plate in hand. “I’m getting tired. Thank you both though for being such great company tonight.”
It was hours before his normal bedtime. This was only the beginning. We had a long road to hoe and if he saw my fears and worries, he’d try a lot harder to kick me out so I didn’t have to relive this again. To counteract, I turned to a sarcastic little shit and smirked at him. “I told you it was better than being alone.”
“Yeah, yeah. You’re always right. I forgot.”
This what I needed. Familiar, playful banter with my dad around the dinner table to settle me. To remind me that bad news doesn’t always mean death.
He kissed Lilly’s cheek and squeezed my shoulder as he passed us, dropping his plate into the kitchen sink when I told him I’d clean up. Then he was gone, and it was just Lilly and me, and all of that settled comfort vanished when her expression turned worried.
“How’d he do today? Really?”
“Fine, honestly.”
“Is that good?”
I shoved my dinner away from me. I’d barely eaten but staring at it only made my stomach churn. “Not necessarily. Could take a day or two to wreck his body or he couldn’t show side effects until the next round. It’s all a fucking crapshoot.”
Her hand covered mine and she squeezed. “I’m here. However you need.”
“I know.”
The problem was bringing her closer made my chest ache in ways that weren’t altogether good. Brandon had a point about not pushing her away. I wasn’t a damn idiot. I knew I did it to people. But they hadn’t watched everyone they loved die like slow falling dominoes either.
I was trying, though. For me. And for her.
* * *
Lilly strolledinto the kitchen hours after I’d already woke up, wearing an oversized sweatshirt and gray leggings. Her hair was still damp and she was wearing minimal makeup, telling me she’d been up for a little bit and hadn’t just dragged herself out of bed.
Good. She’d needed the sleep even though when I woke up and her body was pressed to mine, I’d had to fight the urge to wake her with my mouth all over her body.
“Good morning,” I said, and held out my arm for her to come to me.
She did, and rested her head against my shoulder where I stood at the stove cooking eggs. “‘Morning. Have you seen your dad?”
There were many things I’d learned about Lilly through photos and stories, but there was nothing better than learning that in the morning, her voice was soft and she liked to cuddle. Like she needed warmth from another human to get her day started.
Or that she’d been deprived of it so long she craved human touch whenever she could get it. But since that thought tended to piss me off, I tried to hope for the former.
I kissed the top of her head, inhaling the scent of my own minty shampoo she must have used in the shower. “Checked on him, which would piss him off if he knows, but he’s still sleeping.”
“I won’t tell him. You get any sleep?”
