Page 51 of All the Beautiful Things
“How Jenna… how do you love a man who only gives himself to you in pieces?” I croaked it out, sounding like a frog. Fear I wouldn’t be able to, wrapped itself around my heart, squeezing painfully tight.
Hudson and I were both guilty of the same. How could I expect him to love me when I kept so much back myself?
Her smile turned wistful, thick with understanding.
“You treasure each piece as it’s given, knowing the cost of them handing it over is so much greater than you could imagine. As the puzzle grows, so does everything else.” She said it so simply, but her eyes dimmed and her face softened, like she knew.
She knew the painful cost of what it would take. Perhaps for both of us. More than I could possibly understand.
After all, I hadn’t ever truly loved anyone. While Hudson had everyone he’d loved taken from him.
“I don’t know if I’m strong enough,” I admitted.
What a fool I was. This was Jenna’s wedding day. Her moment.
She looked at me like I’d lost my mind, and then promptly threw her head back and laughed.
“You’re a freaking riot, Lilly. I don’t know anyone stronger than you.” She gave me a squeeze, and still laughing, said, “You can do this. And when you are weak, Hudson will be there. That’s the beauty in love—in both giving and receiving.”
“Are you two done yet? The weight of this train is making my arms sore.”
Jenna glared at Mary playfully. “Pipe down, little sister.”
Mary rolled her eyes, but she also did it with a smile while Jenna faced me again. “You okay now?”
I wasn’t sure. But I would be. I told her that and then said, “And I’m sorry. This is your day, it’s not about me.”
“The best thing about family is that there are always problems and more than enough time to celebrate one thing while dealing with another. Marrying Brandon is about all of us. Now go—go get him, because when I came in here, Hudson was pacing like a tiger outside waiting for you and worried.”
“Is that why you came in here?”
“No, silly. I have to pee. And it’s almost time for the bouquet toss, so get ready to catch it.”
“You’re crazy.” I wasn’t going within a dance floor of her bouquet toss.
“No less than anyone else.” She shrugged to gather the rest of her dress and maneuvered into the largest stall, Mary behind her.
“I swear, Jenna. You owe me huge for all your help with this.”
“Yeah, yeah. Like I didn’t do the same for you when you were a baby and I changed your diapers.”
Laughing, I shook my head and gave my hands another quick rinse before drying them on paper towels. I’d hidden long enough.
Jenna’s craziness settled me in ways kindness didn’t.
If that made me crazy, I was okay with it.
I found Hudson right where Jenna said he was, outside, no longer pacing but impatiently resting against the wall, his narrowed glare on the restroom door as I exited.
He pushed off the wall. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I know. I think, I don’t know… is it normal for women to become crying fools at weddings?”
It wasn’t and we both knew it.
“Perhaps another club soda and getting to know my family more would help.”
I doubted it. But like he was letting me ignore what was between us, I’d allow him to think he was right.
