Page 115 of All the Beautiful Things
I was finally able and willing to come say goodbye to my brother and while the trip to Chicago had been relatively easy, my pulse was still skittering at abnormal rhythms. After finding out my father was in the hospital and the brutal call I had with my mom, we threw the letters I’d written to them away in our building’s dumpster outside so I wouldn’t be tempted to retrieve them. Slowly, I worked to let them go because I was still living by the truth I learned the night that call happened.
I had always deserved more than what my parents had given me. Now, I had it, and I would hold it close, treasure it and care for it for every day I had with them.
Hudson, next to me, tall and brave, my warrior and my fighter and my lover. Most of all, he was simply mine.
When he asked me what I wanted for my birthday, all I could think of was everything I had, everything I’d lost and I knew the final step to truly putting my past where it belonged, was to face it.
So there we were, a funeral service happening in the distance, and me, finally able to see where Josh was buried and say my goodbyes to him.
Hudson stayed with me while I thought of all of this before realizing I had nothing left to say to Josh, nothing left to let him know.
I tilted my head back, unable to see his dark eyes peering down on me, but I could feel his gaze like a physical touch behind his sunglasses.
“I’m ready.”
He took my hand and squeezed. “Are you sure?”
I glanced at the family waiting behind us. Those who had heard where we were going, what I wanted to do and insisted they came with us.
Because that’s what family did. They supported you and were there for you to lean on when you went through difficult times and they all knew how difficult this would be for me.
It was… and yet it wasn’t, because as I was learning over the last several months, I’d made peace with Josh’s death a while ago. I’d already said my goodbyes and let the guilt of my own involvement the night he died go. It was an accident. A horrible accident caused by kids who might have known better but it’d been carved and etched with kids who had only wanted to love each other as much as possible too. Josh wouldn’t want me hanging my head in shame when it came to that night. He’d have wanted to protect me from everything that happened after if he had survived.
I looked at our family. To David, standing tall, finally putting weight back on after his final chemo session. Last month he was declared to be in remission. Two weeks later, Brandon and Jenna announced she was expecting.
And tonight was my twenty-seventh birthday. I’d celebrate it with my family, the first birthday I had in a decade to celebrate with anyone, and my first ever with a family who loved me for me.
I grinned up at Hudson and tugged him toward the waiting trio who had stayed back to give Hudson and me a private moment with Josh. “I’m ready.”
For everything. Our future. New beginnings. A life. And love.
All the beautiful things I could imagine were ahead of me.
I was ready for all of it.
* * *
I was wrappedin a high back, chocolate brown booth, inhaling the scent of tomato and basil and garlic and the rest of their fabulous spices that made me grin from ear to ear as soon as we stepped inside my favorite pizzeria place. I hadn’t realized how badly I’d missed Chicago-style deep-dish pizza until Hudson had asked me where I wanted to go for my birthday dinner.
Sure, I could have chosen somewhere fancier, with crystal wine glasses and white cloth tablecloths. They would have taken me to the top of the John Hancock building to overlook the city, anywhere I wanted to go.
But Milanio’s Family Restaurant is a staple for locals, if you’re lucky to know about it at all. Beneath the ground level, the outside of the building looked crumbling and about ready to fall apart. All of the Valentines had looked at me with wary eyes when I started down the narrow cement steps with the rickety metal wrought-iron railing.
Once we stepped inside, all their jaws dropped. Milanio’s didn’t have a Facebook or social media presence. They didn’t even have a website yet. I’d had to cross my fingers and hope they were still open when I gave Hudson the general address.
It was the same as I remembered with exposed walls and ductwork, gleaming wood tables, high back booths made to give privacy. It was rustic, with a hidden speakeasy vibe from the prohibition era and my feet were practically bouncing on the wood floors with excitement for the incredible meal soon coming our way.
“Sorry about that,” David said and slipped his phone into the pocket of his suit coat before sliding into the half-moon-shaped table next to Jenna. “That was Gerald. Figured I’d take it before he didn’t leave us alone.”
Hudson tore a chunk off a breadstick, growling beneath his breath. “What’d he want?”
Gerald and the rest of Nina’s family had been nothing but trouble for the Valentines since Hudson walked away from the river project and Gerald’s ridiculous marriage idea. He was a thorn in their side, and Hudson bitched about him constantly. He was pretty sure now that things were starting to move forward with it, they had inspectors being paid off to pass inspections that shouldn’t have.
“Nothing but trouble.” David sighed and then yawned. While he was doing better, he still tired easily, and today had been long for everyone. “Sometimes I’m amazed we were close for so long, because now I hardly recognize the man.”
Hudson made a sound of displeasure. “River project?”
“Some of his investors have backed out. He doesn’t know if he’ll have the funds to continue much longer.”
