Page 111 of All the Beautiful Things
“Do you know what I thought about on the way here?” I asked Hudson.
He’d stopped at the small island and rested against it. Arms crossed over his chest. “What?”
“We always seem to leave your Dad’s house in a rotten mood.”
“Maybe we should stop going there.”
Chuckling, I shook my head. He was trying to add levity to the day, which I appreciated but it was unnecessary.
“I don’t think that’s the solution. I just was thinking that it’s been a long time since I’d been able to get bad news, or be in a bad mood, and just… be. That probably doesn’t make sense.”
“It does. You mean you don’t have to fake anything? Keep up a front?”
I knew he’d understand me. He always seemed to. “Yeah. That wall I’ve been holding up feels like it’s gone now.”
“Yeah?” He pushed off the counter and came toward me, eating that small distance between us in two slow strides. “I like knowing that.”
I slid my hand to his chest and let it rest at his heart. His simple nearness made my pulse flutter.
Tilting my head back, I took in his dark eyes, those little flecks of gold that glittered from his pupils. His dark, thick lashes rimmed his eyes, always making him seem so intense, and yet I knew I was one of the few women who saw that intensity soften and melt at the most intimate moments.
Because I knew, while he had given himself so easily to me over the last few months, he held himself back from so many.
“When I’m with you, I know I can be myself, without pretense or worry.”
“Lilly—”
“Shh.” I pressed my finger to his lips to silence him. In turn, he got a playful gleam in his eye and nipped at my fingertip.
“I haven’t had that since Josh, so I wanted to thank you, for the gift of being able to be myself.”
He took my hand covering his lips and held it in one hand, cupping the back of my neck with his other. Drawing me closer, I got lost in the darkness of his eyes, the woodsy scent of his cologne, pine, and fresh air.
“I knew, when I first learned of your story and saw your photos, that I admired your strength and that you were gorgeous. And yet you continue to blow me away with all the pieces you give me. Loving you, Lilly, is a gift, and one I will treasure and honor for as long as you’ll have me. Loving you is the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”
Delightful anticipation of the depths of that statement warmed me from my soul to my limbs. “You say the most perfect things.”
“Not always. I guarantee you that, but when it comes to you, they will always be truthful. Now, since we don’t have hot chocolate and you don’t have a fireplace, how about I move the television into your room and we climb into bed and watch Christmas movies until we fall asleep.”
“That sounds perfect.”
* * *
We were halfwaythroughIt’s A Wonderful Life, although I had scarcely paid attention to a single scene yet. Next to me, Hudson was sitting with pillows propped behind him. He had his arm draped over my shoulders. He’d climbed into bed in only his boxers, and the sheets were at his waist. For once I was close to him and not thinking about his body or the feel of his muscles.
My mind kept drifting. As much as he’d told me I didn’t have to decide, time wasn’t exactly on my side.
What if I waited too long?
What if my dad died?
What if… what if I called and he refused to talk to me? Or my mom didn’t?
His phone was on the nightstand to Hudson’s left, a darkened electronic device with a blank screen, and yet that phone held the ability for me to finally get in contact with my parents.
I heaved a breath and closed my eyes.
Hudson shifted, took my hand and the weight of that device now felt more like a bomb, settled cold and heavy into my palm.
