Page 109 of All the Beautiful Things
“Always here for you.”
“Thanks, man. Merry Christmas.”
We ended the call and before I had my phone back in my pocket, Lilly was looking up at me, teary-eyed and face pinched with worry. “My dad? He’s in the hospital?”
31
Lilly
“My dad?” My limbs went numb as soon as Hudson said it was Shawn calling. While I couldn’t hear anything, the question of him asking if he was going to be okay was enough to send my nerves and emotions into a tailspin.
“Yeah.”
I rested against him, barely felt the pressure of his lips at my head when I usually loved it so much. There was a rushing of waves through my ears, sending me off-kilter, making everything around me sound like it was coming from a tunnel.
I was ready to put them behind me.
But this was my dad.
“Is he okay?”
“Come sit.” I leaned against him while he dragged me to the edge of the bed where he sat, pulling me down onto his lap.
“Tell me.”
“First, Shawn found their address today. That was part of why he was calling.”
“What about—”
“When he did, he also learned your dad has recently been admitted to the hospital.” While he spoke, his phone chimed with a text. Then another. The pings came one right after another, a staccato beat that grated at my ears. Answers were there, lighting up on his cell phone screen. “He suffered a cardiac arrest yesterday.”
My head jerked up. “A what?”
“Heart attack, I think.”
Hudson’s hand went to my hair, running down it from root to tip, soothing me. It didn’t work.
It took a moment to process what he was saying through the roar of noise rushing through me. Those nerves bundled and settled in my stomach, grew fast until hornets swarmed deep down.
I could puke. Or pass out.
“Is he okay?”
Hudson licked his lips as if he needed to soften the blow and my fingers dug into his shirt. “I don’t know. Shawn has their address and said he was going to send us the hospital number and room number.”
“Should I call?” Did I want to? What about my mom? Was he even still alive? My head collapsed against Hudson’s chest and I exhaled a shuddering breath. “I don’t know what to do with this.”
His hand at my hair slid to my nape, cupping me there gently, as if I’d turned to the finest porcelain and any pressure would shatter me. My head spun with possibilities, the worst case, the best case… if I ever had any hope of my parents forgiving me, seeing me, letting me forgive them….
“Lilly.” He brushed his lips over mine so tender, like he could feel my own pain and fears and indecision. “You don’t have to do anything with this information until you know what you want to do.”
“Should I call him? My mom?”
“I think this is totally your call. You have to decide that, but that decision does not need to be made now. Or tomorrow.”
He went blurry in front of me, and I squeezed my eyes closed to clear my vision, but it was no use. Tears fell and a pulse of anger socked me in the stomach.
Why was I crying over this man? Hadn’t I cried enough? Especially today. It seemed like it was all I’d done from the moment we ate breakfast and then opened presents. The necklace David gave me, a thin gold chain with a ruby pendant for my birthstone, hung from my neck. The perfume Jenna bought me and the gift cards to clothing stores were tucked away in my purse. On top of the clothes Hudson gave me, I had enough money in gift cards to splurge on really nice pieces for myself that didn’t come from Target or clearance sections. It wasn’t the gifts that had meant the most to me, though. It was the company, the phone calls David got, and the half-dozen former foster children who stopped by. There were members of his church who came, and even the pastor stopped by to see how he was doing.
