Page 92 of All the Ugly Things
“I don’t give a flying fuck if Peter Pan was driving that truck. You’ll say you did. You don’t, and Josh’s future will be absolutely destroyed. He has too much history. Are you laying there telling me you want to be responsible for that? For destroying your brother? This family?”
“But—” My head was too cloudy. I was either sobering up or they’d given me meds. Pain meds, hopefully. Actually, I hoped they gave me an hallucinogenic. My dad couldn’t be asking this of me. “It wasn’t my fault. Will Josh be okay?”
“He will be. He has to be.” My dad had never looked desperate in his life. “And thiswasall your fault, Lilly. He wouldn’t have been there if it hadn’t been for you.”
“Dad—”
“It’s your first offense. You’ll be given probation. Community service, but if Josh was the driver, hislifeis ruined. This is not a time to be selfish.”
Selfish. As if he’d ever been anything but that. My throat clogged and I shook my head to clear it.
This was happening. My dad, throwing me to the wolves to protect the only child he actually cared about. Josh should have gotten help years ago but instead, Dad brushed everything under the rug. Sure, he sent him to rehab, but no one paid attention or got him help once he was back home. It was years of a vicious cycle.
Yet through all of it. Josh hadalwaysbeen there for me. He protected me. He took care of me when no one else would, and we’d always promised we’d be there for each other.
This… this was asking too much.
Dad must have taken my silence as refusal because he leaned in once more. “Take the fall, Lilly, or never return home. You will havenothing.I will make sure of it. Your choice.”
Tears ran down my face.
He meant this. He absolutely meant it.
My dad would kick me out if I didn’t do what he said. And then where would I go?
“Okay,” I mumbled, wiping away tears with my good hand. “Okay. But promise me he’s okay.”
He turned and left the room, never giving me his promise.
A few minutes later, cops came in and I told them everything. The party. The fight. The ride. The car. The tree.
I lied to their faces and prayed like hell it’d help save Josh.
Two days later he died.
Three days later I was charged with aggravated vehicular homicide due to the alcohol in my system at the time of the crash.
Josh was laid to rest.
And I was sent to Hell.
23
Hudson
My last serious relationship ended years ago and lasted far longer than it should have. When I ended things with Nina, who I’d dated for a year and a half, she believed it was because of Melissa.
In part it was. When Melissa died, no one could have helped me, especially not Nina, who wasn’t the most compassionate woman to begin with. Mostly it was because Melissa’s death reminded me how short life was. There was very little point in going along with the flow of expectations when they weren’t what you wanted. And Nina had started expecting an engagement ring. The fact I’d had to think about it for six months prior to Melissa’s death was its own warning sign.
Unfortunately for Nina, she spent almost a year afterward trying to win me back, so certain I’d only ended things because of Melissa and my grief. She believed once I was ready to move on, I’d turn straight back to her.
By then, Dad was already looking into Lilly and I was already having thoughts about a woman still in prison. I didn’t regret walking away from Nina.
I regretted not being honest with her. I regretted staying longer than I should have.
And now, I was headed straight for the same ending. I could feel it in my bones, a living, slithering virus I couldn’t stop.
The best thing I could do would be to stay away from Lilly and put distance between us, to be her friend and only her friend. But like Melissa and Dad said, she had a way of getting under your skin. Her broken smiles and sad eyes and hardened exterior only called to those of us who spent a lifetime wanting to help others.
