Page 118 of All the Ugly Things
“I’m falling in love with a woman who I’m lying to. That doesn’t make me feel like the man I want to be. Or the one you raised.”
I loved her. I loved her before I ever met her. How it was possible to fall in love with photographs and second-hand stories I wasn’t sure of, but it happened. It wasn’t only Lilly’s heart on the line. It was mine. I wanted to give her the world, everything she hadn’t had and everything she didn’t know she could possibly dream of. Yet the end was barreling down. The grumble of the train tracks signaling its arrival vibrated beneath my feet every time I was with her.
I wanted to kiss her without guilt, take her in my arms, and someday to my bed without secrets.
I wanted it all with Lilly, and I wanted to give it all back to her.
“You love her?” His voice lifted in surprise. His widening eyes matched.
“You heard me.” I sighed and dropped my face into my hands, scrubbing my hands through my hair.
“Give me the holidays. Please, Hudson,” he pleaded as I opened my mouth to argue.
Thanksgiving was two weeks away. “That’s too long.”
He looked at me then with tired eyes I hadn’t noticed at first and a sober expression he rarely wore. “Let me give her this one thing. One good holiday season where she can see how beautiful life can be.”
“Every day this continues is a day it risks blowing up in our faces.”
Inmyface. It was me she’d end up hating. After all the nights I spent listening to her tell me about her life, she’d soon realize what a complete and utter jackass I was.
“I know, but I have no doubt you’d be able to heal her afterward, too… if you truly love her.”
Goddamn him. “Promise me. As soon as the holidays are done, you’ll tell her.” I gritted my teeth so hard it’s a wonder they didn’t snap.
“I promise. After Christmas, I’ll explain everything.” He yawned and picked up his mug, taking a drink.
Unless you counted the existence of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, my parents never lied to us. I could trust his promise, even if I despised the timing.
“Okay then.”
“Now, if you’re done looking at me like you want to punch me in the face, I’d like to discuss the New Year Benefit.”
Business, I could talk about.
“Hit me with it. What’s your plan?”
* * *
A beautiful sightcame to my door an hour before quitting time.
Lilly, dressed in a new dress I knew she purchased from a shopping day with her friend, Angie, from school. They went to the mall over the weekend.
Her dress, gray with white angled stripes, was conservative but still showed her beautiful curves. It tightened at her waist and clung to her thighs, ending just below her knees. It was professional, modest, and I wanted to do nothing else besides tear it off her to find out what she wore beneath. Her blonde hair was curled, bounced at her breasts when she walked. Long gone were the nights of the heavy makeup she wore at Judith’s like a shield. Now it was all soft and natural-looking, allowing me to see the freckles across the bridge of her nose.
She was even more elegant now that she wore clothes that fit her but even without them her beauty was unmistakable. After only a week of working, becoming closer with Brandon and Sandra, she was blossoming. Becoming confident, letting her personality shine through.
And all of that made her more beautiful than her outward covering, despite how well they showed off her exceptional figure.
I cleared my throat. “Hey, what brings you here?”
“Brandon asked me to bring these files up to you. He said they’re for the winter gala?”
“Ah. Yes. Come in.” I was already moving, rounding my desk when she met me, files between us like a buffer.
“Has Brandon mentioned this to you?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I hadn’t heard a thing about it.”
