Page 105 of All the Ugly Things
Yet I still wasn’t sure what to do with it all. If I could stay there full time after spring, I didn’t need to finish college. Valor would provide me with everything I’d wanted since my release—decent job and the means to live comfortably in a small, one-bedroom apartment. It was almost too overwhelming to begin to dream for more.
“One step at a time, I think,” I told her. “But you’re good with this? The job?”
“My job is to ensure you follow the rules, Lilly, and since the day we met you’ve done nothing but that. So yes, I trust you’re making good choices that will help move you forward in life. I would like to have dinner with you again soon, though. Catching up in person is always better, isn’t it?”
It was. Dinners with Ellen used to be the only time I spent with another person.
Now I had Angie. And Hudson. And his entire family.
Somehow I’d gone from having no social life outside my therapist and parole officer, and now I was filling my calendar with all sorts of things.
I shook my head at the wonder of it all.
“Dinner would be great. Give me a couple weeks to get settled in the job so I actually have something to talk to you about?”
“Sounds good. Text me when you know more. And don’t forget about your meeting tomorrow night.”
“I won’t.” It wasn’t uncommon for her to remind me, but it still deflated my mood. Another night at AA. Another night going to meetings that were court-ordered but totally unnecessary. Fortunately, Ellen also allowed me to switch back and forth between AA and Al-Anon, and that was one that made more sense for me. It helped me understand Josh’s choices, even if that understanding came years too late. It helped me understand the depths other family members sunk to protect their addicted siblings and children and parents.
“Good. Then we’ll speak soon. And good luck tomorrow, although I don’t believe for a minute you need it. You’re a smart girl, Lilly, always have been. You can do this.”
Something lodged in my throat. It was so rare she gave compliments like this. And the last time we spoke had been underwhelming. Before I could thank her, or reassure her I wouldn’t let her down, she said goodbye and ended the call.
We hung up and I managed to find two more acceptable choices from my limited wardrobe and dug out two pairs of heels I had, both scuffed and worn, but hopefully people didn’t spend too much time looking at my feet.
A knock hit the door and I hurried to it.
Hopefully Angie found picking out clothes as much fun as accounting. Otherwise, I was screwed.
26
Lilly
Iwoke with a buzz in my stomach, reminiscent of a swarm of bumblebees.
I start a new job today.
The reality did nothing to lessen my nerves. I spent extra time on my hair and makeup. Anything to make a good impression on those I would meet, especially Brandon’s assistant, Sandra, who I hadn’t met when I did the world’s fastest interview.
Brandon mentioned how much he appreciated her work and how organized she was, treating his schedule like a Bible. But I was only going to be there three days a week. She’d probably have me typing letters or working on filing and other basic essentials like printing proposals or something mundane so she could do therealtasks.
Regardless, I was feeling pretty good about myself as I slipped into a pair of wide-leg black dress pants and a coral dress shirt. It was a wrap top, several years out of style, but shockingly, I’d found it at Goodwill with Ann Taylor’s price tags still on it and got it for a steal for five dollars. It was one of the nicest pieces of clothing I had.
Angie had even dug through my cupboards, found olive oil. She scrubbed my scuffed black heels with baking soda and then shined them with olive oil. “A trick Mom taught me,” she’d said, handing me shiny shoes that looked almost brand new.
Now, all I had to was remember how to walk on the short heels and not break my ankle on the walk to Valor Holdings, and I was ready.
If I didn’t throw up.
I settled a hand on my stomach and took several deep breaths.
“You can do this. It’s a simple job you probably could have handled when you were sixteen. Nothing to be nervous about at all.”
The pep talk settled my stomach but not my nerves, but I’d run out of time to procrastinate.
With that, I tossed lip balm into my purse, poured myself a travel mug of coffee, and grabbed my keys.
In the elevator, I tapped my foot, impatient to get the day started. Hopefully I’d stop feeling like I was going to puke at some point today. The doors opened on the second floor, making my trek feel a thousand times longer. I almost groaned from the disappointment when Samaya and her kids hurried in.
