Page 22 of 28 Dates
Yeah, some nights I do. I think. I miss him. I miss the way I felt when he walked into my apartment, the way he held my hand as he led me down the hallway to my room. I miss the way his body felt on mine, or the way he held me in his arms while we slept. Is that enough?
Worse, it’s not like I can ask him now. It would ruin our friendship completely. Right?
“Ugh.” I shake my head and swipe through my app again. Jonas is important to me, but I can’t think about him like this.
Stupid Trey and his dating app. This would be so much easier if he were trying to release a quick-fun-fling app. Those I can do easily. But these conversations where I have to talk to someone, get to know them without experiencing their personality or any instant chemistry, are exhausting.
Glancing at the clock on my phone, I realize Isaac is now ten minutes late. Still reasonable, but a little rude, right? I give him grace in case of traffic, since he’d said he’d have to leave his job, and tuck my phone into my purse. I’ve seen his face over the phone enough for the last few days; I’ll recognize him.
“Here’s your water,” Sara says, returning with my hot water mug on a saucer with three lemons. Just the way I like it.
“Oh. Thank you.” I cup my hands around the hot mug and hold it close to me, shivering. “Thank you so much.”
She laughs and sets two menus down on the table. “So, you’re meeting someone? Work related?”
Most of my dates have been at night, and the one day I did come here for lunch, Sara had the day off.
“No.” I have no control over the face I make. “A date. Sort of.”
Her dark brown brows arch in surprise. “You’re dating?”
Her surprise means one thing. Jonas hasn’t opened his mouth and spilled my secrets. “Yeah, kind of.”
“Really?” Man, it’s depressing how shocking this is to her.
“It’s an app Trey released recently, and he and Teagan dared me to actually find someone. It’s silly really and I’m not expecting much.”
She tilts her head sweetly. I’ve always liked Sara. In her late thirties and married, her life is so much moreadultthan mine even with a full-time job and my own apartment. And she loves her kid something crazy. He’s a handful, coming in every once in a while when she has to work and he doesn’t have school. She’s always been kind and friendly, almost more like the older, cool aunt I never had than a friend. Her different stage in life separates us just enough. “Why aren’t you expecting anything? Are you that emotionally stunted you can’t open your heart to anyone?”
“Jesus,” I laugh. “How much has Jonas told you about me?”
“Nothing really.” She shrugs. “But moms know things. It’s a superpower we’re given to make up for our stretched-out va-jay-jays.”
I spit my coffee across the table. ThankGodmy date’s not here yet.
She pulls out a towel she has tucked into her waist apron and wipes up my mess. “Sorry, sorry,” she says. She’s not sorry. She’s ridiculous. And much like me, lacking a social filter. “I didn’t think that’d bother you. But tell me something?”
“I’m not discussing the elasticity of my va-jay-jay.”
She rolls her eyes like I’m the crazy one. Please. She started it. “Why not Jonas?”
Her question makes me jolt so hard I kick the table. Talk about going right for my guts. Whatever she sees on my face makes her cringe, and she lifts her hand in the air, slashing it like she can forget the question.
I’m still too stunned by the question in the first place.
“Sorry,” Sara says. “I didn’t mean to bring you down, it’s just I always thought you two were so cute together, and now that he’s not with Ashley, I was hoping…”
“What?” The hot water that had been soothing my throat turns to ice in my lungs. Everything freezes. My limbs. My breath. My jaw is frozen in place, hanging loose. “They broke up?”
Her own face pales, and her head whips in the direction of the bar before returning to me. Brown brows furrow above her eyes. “You didn’t know.”
“No.” We’re staring at each other, and I’m pretty certain the room is spinning. “When?”
Is that my voice? Who scrubbed it with sandpaper? I lift my hand to rub my neck, hoping to soothe the pain away, but I’m afraid the pain isn’t in my neck. Or my throat. It’s further south, in my chest.
He broke up with Ashley.
“Recently,” she says, and I’ve never seen someone look so filled with pity.
