Page 83 of Knocked Up
“I will.” It’s not a promise. It’s a vow.
I’ve got a short fuse and not many manners, but if Cara gives me another shot, I’ll break my neck proving to her that taking a chance on the guy who got her knocked up is the best risk she could ever take.
Cara lets loose a low sound, might be a growl, as she watches Graham walk away and then it’s the two of us, in his small but decently decorated and not too flashy apartment.
I step back out of the hallway, closer to the living room to give her space to walk through. I hadn’t planned on her being in the shower when I got here, but I’m thankful for it. Gave me a few minutes to talk to Graham about her state of mind since he hadn’t seen her all day.
Move slow. She’s not pissed as much as she is hurt.
“Can we talk? Please?”
She chews on her bottom lip and then pops it out, moving past me to a black leather chair that’s facing me. There’s another chair like it on the other side of a round table and a small matching couch.
I move to the couch, close enough I can touch her, but I don’t.
“You talked to Graham?”
I clasp my hands together, elbows on my knees, and face her. “He came and talked to me today. Told me about last night.”
“Of course he did,” she mutters and crosses her arms, collapsing back into the chair.
Her pout is adorable, but I’ve got a long, bumpy road ahead of me and there’s no clear navigation.
“He cares about you, and I know it might not seem like it, but I do too, honey. I’m so damn sorry about last night, about thinking the worst of you, not giving you a chance to explain anything. I should have trusted you enough to not evenneedan explanation—”
“Yes. You should have.”
The pain in her voice, in the narrowed blue eyes that are stormier than the bright Caribbean Sea, slice right through me. It’s the chin trembling that almost does me in. The way she blinks harshly, I know she’s fighting off tears.
“Cara—”
“Why? Why would you say those things to me? I thought…” She shakes her head again. “I don’t think I can talk to you about this. Not yet. You hurt me.”
“I know. And I will probably hurt you again. I’m human and I’m an idiot sometimes but I swear to you, you give me another chance, you let me make this right, it’ll never happen again.”
“No.” She sniffs and looks at the door to the apartment, avoiding me. “I can’t take that risk with you. Not again.”
“You have to,” I say. “You have to because you love me. And when you love someone, you forgive them, and I want that from you, Cara. I want your love and your forgiveness and I’m so damn sorry I hurt you. I had my head twisted with shit Stella said, I was pissed I hadn’t heard from you, so damn worried about what your parents were saying to you and not having any way to protect you from them, and then I saw you with that drink at the bar, your hands on another man, and I just…I just snapped. It was too much, all at once, me feeling worthless and powerless, and I handled it poorly. I was a complete shit. I know it. But, honey, I’m so sorry, so damn sorry I hurt you like that. And I swear to you, you let metryto make this right, you will never regret it. That I swear to you.”
By the time I’m done, her eyes have lost their fury, replaced with something else, something more blank.
Something hopeless. “Stella said something to you.”
“Yeah, but—”
“She hates me.”
“She doesn’t.” She opens her mouth and I know it’s to argue, because Stella also told me today about the shit she said to Cara. “She doesn’t hate you, she was mad at me. She was jealous.”
“Jealous?” She sounds incredulous. “Of me?”
“No. Yes.” I take a breath. This conversation is getting away from me. I take a chance and I unclasp my hands, reach out and settle one on her knee. She jumps but doesn’t move it away, so I hold her firmly. “Stella’s like my sister, I’ve told you that. Irvin was all she and I had, and she’s married now, has two kids, but it’s always beenus,just me and Stella in a different way. It’s not that she hates you, it’s that she wanted to protect me…and she was hurt I didn’t bring you around her. She started thinking you were too good forher,and I was ignoring her and not seeing her kids, and she twisted shit in her head, then put it in yours, and really, fucked it up in my head. She feels like shit for it.”
“She should.”
Damn it. Terror the size of a castle builds inside of me. I don’t know how to fix this if I can’t get her to give me anything.
Several minutes have passed and she hasn’t looked at me. All I can see is her chest rising and falling with every measured breath she takes.
