Page 54 of This Time Around
Good grief.The woman couldn’t be serious for three seconds.
I loved her.
I flew my hands in the air and slapped them against my thighs.“I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“None of us do,” Brooke said, shaking my shoulders gently.“There’s nothing wrong with trying to figure it out either.”
“I love him.”She knew I meant Joseph.“I loved him with everything I had and every minute he’s gone I think of him and if a minute passes where I don’t, I feel like utter crap that I’m maybe forgetting him and it’s only been months and now I’m kissing another man like my marriage meant nothing.But I’m also, really, really pissed at him.”
They didn’t understand.They thought they did, but they didn’t.Mostly because I’d never told them the full truth.Only Ryan knew and he’d never said a word to Kelly.
“Woah,” Kelly said.She pulled me out of Brooke’s arms and into a hug.Kelly’s hugs were famous.She was goofy and crazy but so freaking wonderful and she always smelled like lavender.I collapsed into her arms.“Slow your roll there, woman, and let’s focus on one thing at a time, okay?”
“Okay.”I sniffed.
“Today, we’re here helping you clean out Joseph’s clothes and bathroom stuff because you realize it’s time, right?”
Did I?Everything was changing so quickly.And yet dragging on forever.“Right.”
“Then we’re doing that.After, we’re going downstairs and you’re going to throw away all of his magazines and boots.Getting rid of his stuff isn’t getting rid of him.”She pressed her hand to my sternum.“He’s here.He always will be.This is just crap he kept lying around when he was alive that drove you insane because you always had to pick up after his lazy ass.”
I’d done that.I’d bitched a lot about Joseph’s inability to toss pants into the hamper or recycle a magazine or kick his boots off in the mudroom instead of right by the door.
He’d driven me crazy with his forgetfulness as much as he’d driven me wild with the way he touched me.
“I can get rid of magazines and boots.”
“Good.”She pulled back and went to crouch down at the pile of his shoes.“Get a box and load up his bathroom crap and we’ll get to work.And then after, we’ll move on to the next item on our agenda.”
I was afraid to ask.I still did.“What’s that?”
That time it was Brooke’s eyes that gleamed.“You telling us how good of a kisser Cooper Hawke is.”
If I’d still been holding the toothbrush, I would have flicked it at her face.
I grabbed a box and went to the bathroom.She didn’t bring enough champagne to get me talking about that.
I made the damn enchiladas.I made both chicken and shredded beef because I didn’t ask Cooper what he preferred.
After Kelly and Brooke and I loaded up almost all of the boxes, they left the remaining ones stacked in my office.Kelly told me about the calves Cooper had been concerned about, so I went out and rode around, found them, and found them all up and moving.Just a little skittish, but they seemed fine.
I didn’t see Cooper all day.He was either out doing something or hiding out in his guesthouse and I was glad for the space.
At least I was until it came time to begin cooking dinner, showering, and getting dressed.
I might have gone a little overboard with the dinner.Not only did I make two kinds of enchiladas, still baking in the oven, my kitchen island was so filled with a spread of sides and toppings and chips and guacamole, it looked like I was hosting a dinner party for twelve, not two.
“Crap,” I muttered, scanning not only the disaster I’d made but the abundance of food.I pulled my hair back and dropped it.I’d spent way too much time on everything.My hair was curled, something I did only a few times a year.My makeup was fully done, and it’d been so long since I’d actually done that I didn’t know if my mascara or eyeshadow were still good.
And worse, I hadn’t thrown on jeans or shorts and a tank top like I wore almost every single day.
Nope.I brushed my hands down the sides of the racerback maxi dress I’d thrown on.It’d even required a strapless bra.It fit me perfectly, hugged the curve of my breasts and my hips.It was so long it swished on the floor as I walked barefoot from the counter to the kitchen sink where I dropped in a slew of dirty mixing bowls and forks and spoons.
I’d made a mess and gotten dressed up in one of my favorite dresses and it was all ridiculous.
It was Cooper.It wasn’t the first time we’d eaten together.
It was no big deal.
