Page 120 of This Time Around
“Damn it.”She stomped her foot and she looked adorable doing it.“I know you do, but you don’t.Nothing I’ve said today has come out right.I’m sorry.I’m not trying to hurt you.I’m just having a hard time trusting that this is good.That you actually love me.You got your closure with Camilla.You got your arguments and your fights and your excuses.You were able to sift through all the crap and make a decision.I’m left with a pile of questions and no answers and if I don’t have them, how do I know I won’t repeat the same mistakes, make the same screw-ups and do it all again?”
My feet, lighter now, went to her.Her face was screwed up in pain and confusion and fear, and damn it if I didn’t understand all of that.
“His choices were his, and regardless of what was going on between you two, he made the wrong ones.”My hands cupped her cheeks and I swiped her trembling bottom lip with my thumb.Scared and pale and on the verge of more tears, she was still the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.Her pain and fear hurt.“You probably did make mistakes.That makes you human.And, I could still replay every moment with Camilla, even knowing the outcome, and still not figure out where it went wrong.There will always be questions and there will always be doubts.I don’t love you because you’re perfect, Rebecca.I love you because you’re you.”
Her hands, slender fingers and hot palms pressed against the back of my hands.“I love you, and it scares the hell out of me.I don’t even know how it happened, but—”
I slammed my mouth to hers and stole the rest of her speech.I didn’t need it.Honesty poured from her, along with a surprised whimper followed by something much more pleasant as she pressed her body against mine.I kissed her, gave her everything I wanted to do earlier, wanted to do yesterday and still wanted to do every day for the rest of our lives.
But something else occurred to me as we kissed, pleasure zipping down my spine and straight to my balls.
More than she loved me, she still needed time.
I needed her to come to me certain she was ready to move on, despite the past and shitty hands we’d both been dealt.
“I love you,” I whispered against her lips.“I always will.”
“I know.”Her brown eyes crinkled and glimmered in the sun.Everything screamed at me to throw away sense and speed ahead with my heart and my hard dick.
But, that wasn’t what was best for her, and in the long run,us.She didn’t just need to come to me ready, she needed to know that when I returned to her, it was without any doubts in my decisions, too.
We both turned, the hum of a car’s engine riding slowly through the gates at the end of the long drive and rumbling over the cattle guards.
I brushed my lips against hers.“Take all the time you need.”
I dropped my hands from her cheeks as confusion flickered across her features.“You’re still leaving?I thought—”
“I think it’s for the best.Take the time you need.We’ll talk.We’ll talk a lot.But you need time, and in all honesty, I might, too.I’m over Camilla, and I see her for who she is, but that doesn’t mean I might not need time to make sure that when we come back together—and wewill—that we’re both in a place ready to put the past behind us, so it doesn’t weigh us down in the future.I want us healthy and whole, both of us.”
“I don’t want you to go anymore.”Her chin quivered and I pulled her to me.Her forehead slammed to my shoulder and her arms flew around my waist, holding me tight.“I want you here.”
“You’re here.”I took her hand and pressed it my chest.“I swear it, Rebecca.We’ll figure it out.”
“I love you,” she whispered, her voice ragged and shaky.“I don’t know why it was so hard to say earlier.”
“Because you need time.And that’s okay.I shouldn’t have pushed you.”I kissed her forehead, holding her to me, inhaling the sweet scent of her.“I love you, too.”
Before I could change my mind, that decision becoming cloudier by the moment, I stepped back and took her hands in mine.I squeezed them tightly and let go.
She stood in the same place as I threw the bags into the back of my Uber requested Ford sedan, and well after the car pulled out to the main road.
