Page 39 of Long for Me
“What’s the contract say?” Haley asked. “And what are your concerns with it?”
She spoke quietly, like she already knew my fears. I focused on her. “Everything, I think. All of it scares me.”
“Well, let’s hear them.”
I spilled everything, and I couldn’t blame too much beer. I told them all about my dad, my mom who after he left, turned into an angry manipulative woman who couldn’t stand the sight of me. It wasn’t a hardship to get out of that environment, but there was no way I was going back to that either. So I told them every last detail, my life, my boring dates that led me to take a chance at Luminous in the first place, and then my night with Bennett on New Year’s. I finished it up with the rollercoaster of a week I’d dealt with since then and the contract he’d left on my desk without a word.
“So?” I asked, when three women were all staring at me, gaping.
I expected advice. I expected laughter and demands to sign the contract. I expected something helpful.
Instead, Haley turned to Miranda. “Wanna go ride the mechanical bull with me?”
She scooted toward Haley and pushed her out of the booth. “Yup.” She waved her hand. “See you girls later.”
“What?” I said, and Gabby placed her hand over mine.
“Don’t worry. I think that means they’re letting me handle this one.”
Well, all righty then. “Can I ask why?”
She laughed and then took a sip of her beer, waving it in the air to get the server’s attention. “Because I’m good at it.” She turned to me and winked. “In all honesty, our club at Luminous is one huge, typical dysfunctional family and since I’ve been with Dylan since it opened, most of the other subs look to me like their mama sub.” Her brow wrinkled. “Which sounds weird, but you get my point I think.”
“I do.” The waitress returned and set another round of drinks on the table, clearing the empties efficiently. “Thank you,” I said, before she walked away and grabbed my drink. “So? What do I do?”
“Be honest with yourself.” She shrugged and grabbed her drink. “That’s all.”
I waited for more explanation, more sage advice. Instead of giving me what I desperately needed, some direction for crying out loud, she nudged my arm with her elbow. “Check out Miranda riding the bull.”
“Are you kidding me?”
Miranda was flailing one arm in the air, arching and bowing her back along with the bucking motions of the fake bull and I glared at Gabby.
The crowd cheered, and I assumed Miranda had either fallen or surpassed the time limit but I didn’t bother checking. I was stuck on Gabby.
“They left you here to talk to me and help me and that’s all you have to give me?” I hissed and twisted in the booth, blocking her view of the next rider.
She shrugged. “Sure. The thing is, you wouldn’t have gone to Luminous if you weren’t curious. You wouldn’t have asked Miranda a gazillion questions over the last couple of years if you didn’t think about BDSM. If you truly believed Bennett was abusive, you never would have allowed him to take you home and I think you’re pretty determined to do the right thing so you also wouldn’t have continued working for a man if you thought, deep down, he wanted to beat the hell out of his women. You escaped a shitty life and not to be rude, but you’re not the first and you won’t be the last. But, what you have done is become successful on your own, and you have broken the cycle of men you’re attracted to. In fact, I have a feeling that in addition to asking Miranda all those questions, you’ve done your own research. I’ll further bet the next round of drinks that it made you wet and you masturbated afterward.” She winked. “And that’s nothing to be ashamed about.”
I opened my mouth to rebuke her and then snapped my mouth shut so hard my teeth clicked. Perhaps she was more perceptive than I was giving her credit for. I had done all those things.
“And,” she continued, “You’re interested but you’re scared and you’re completely attracted to Bennett. That’s your honesty. So, my suggestion is to be honest with yourself and then read the contract andtalkto Bennett.”
She had to be joking. “Talk to him? You want me to just, what, show up at work on Monday, and say, ‘hey, let’s discuss this’?”
“He’s your Dom, Rebecca, or he wants to be. Women are great, we can give you advice and I’ll always be here for you to answer any questions you have or help you, but only you and Bennett know how you and Bennett are and what you need. My guess? That contract you’re too terrified to look at says exactly what you’re hoping it says, and he’s tailor-made it knowing you as well as he does. Give him a chance, andtalkto him. If you’re daring enough, as strong as I think you are, then go for it. Wanting to submit isn’t the same as being a doormat and I think you’ve done enough looking into the lifestyle to see that.” She waved her hand toward Miranda, eyes on me as she smiled at our friend. “And you definitely know Miranda isn’t one.”
When she put it that way, everything seemed so reasonable, exactly like Bennett had made it seem.
I grabbed my coat next to me and folded it over my arms in my lap. “If you’ll excuse me, will you let Miranda know I took a cab home? I have some reading to do.”
Gabby laughed softly. “Go get him, girl.”
I wasn’t sure I was ready for that, yet, but she spoke again. “And don’t forget to give us all the naughty, fun details.”
I definitely wasn’t ready for that.
