Page 3 of Long for Me
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Miranda wrapped her hand around my arm and tugged me close to her. “You look beautiful. Love the dress. Is it new?”
We were walking down the sidewalk toward Luminous, Shawn a step behind us letting us have the illusion of privacy. Snow was in the forecast for the evening and mist drifted in the air around us as we spoke, but I didn’t feel the chill despite my mostly bare legs and arms. Nerves made my blood feel like it was boiling.
“No.” I smoothed down the short silver dress that hugged my hips and thighs. “I’ve had it for a while, just never had the chance to wear it, I guess.” It wasn’t my typical attire. Bought on a whim, I’d only purchased the sequined, short silver dress because it was on clearance. At the time, I’d figured if I ever attended a Halloween party, I could wear a funky hat and add some fringe and turn it into a sexy, flapper dress.
The dress was shorter than I remembered. If I bent over, someone could see my crotch. The heels I’d chosen, unrealistically high even for me, wobbled on my trembling legs.
Now I was wearing it walking into a sex club. Good grief. How in the heck did I find myself in these situations?
“Well, you look amazing.” She fluffed my caramel highlighted tresses over my shoulder. She handed me a strip of tickets and a white paper bracelet, the kind I wore in college when going to bars to show who was legal age.
“What are these?”
“Drink tickets and a band that designates you as a visitor.”
“Drink tickets?”
“Yep. Luminous has a two-drink maximum on all other nights, and the bartenders are really strict about it. We want everyone who comes to the club to be sober and capable giving full consent to anything that happens. But tonight, since only pre-chosen and accepted Doms and subs can play and not all the members, they’re relaxing the rules a bit.”
To three drinks? Thank goodness, I’d had one before I came. I’d needed the liquid courage just to wiggle myself into the obscenely short dress I was wearing. Two might have been better.
“Your band is white because you’re a guest,” Miranda went on to explain. God bless her for it. She never grew tired of my questions or my doubts, but was always patient, knowing how much to tell me and when to stop. I assumed the times I looked like I wanted to puke was a good indicator in letting her know she’d gone too far. There were some things I didn’t need to hear. Like how large Shawn’s dick was. It’d taken me a month to look at him without blushing.
“Mine is pink, which will show everyone I’m a sub and Shawn’s is black for a Dom. Master Dylan wanted everyone who came tonight to be able to easily find people who might be able to answer their questions and since the rules are relaxed along with the drink rules, you won’t be able to tell who a Dom is just by looking.”
She’d explained the rules to me before. They were archaic and revolting. A sub couldn’t speak unless given permission by her Dom. She had to have her eyes trained on the floor. All of it had made me want to rescue Miranda from the horrifically abusive relationship she was living in. Yet, that was where my problem came in.
Shawn didn’tseemabusive. Not like my dad had been. Shawn didn’t seem to do anything excessively except for doting on Miranda. He showered her with gifts and trips to spas and masseuses. He was constantly complimenting her, vocally appreciative of her efforts around the house or with dinner. I’d never heard a woman praised as often as he did his wife. She never said a negative word about him, but showered her affection and devotion right back, and if some of that devotion came while she was on her knees, naked, staring at the floor while he lounged on the couch watching the football game, was it really my place to judge or assume the worst?
It was the crux of their relationship, or anything like this, that I’d never been able to piece together.
This was why I was here. To explore it. To gain a better understanding. To see if it was as truly horrific as I imagined it would be. Also because who wanted to spend the night alone on New Year’s Eve?
New year, new goals. Topping my list was eradicating preconceived notions of things I didn’t understand, and freeing myself from the lingering bindings of my past.
“Rebecca,” Shawn said, coming up behind us. He slid his hand through the crook of my arm, placing my hand gently on his forearm. The man was magnetic, had to give him that. More than once I’d swooned at his sexy, full smile and the way his green eyes shone when Miranda said something that pleased him. “Allow me the honor of escorting you inside. If you have questions, ask them. If you want to explore, please let us know where you’re going. My phone is on vibrate, but I’ll check it if you text me. Understand?”
Oh Geez. The closer we got, the hotter my blood turned. And was I sweating? Fantastic. “Shawn, you’re not helping my desire to puke all over the sidewalk.”
He grinned down at me, completely unaffected. “It’s my job to keep my girls safe, and tonight I’m here for you just as much as I am Miranda.”
And after, he’d beat her until she was screaming. Gah! I’d never understand this. But I’d try. I had to.
If only I truly understood why I needed to get it so badly.
