Page 21 of His to Seduce
“It’s complicated,” I said. But that was a lie. I knew exactly what held me back. What always chained me to practicality.
Fear.The word flashed in my mind in a bold, large font like a neon sign.
Fear of pain, of failure, of heartbreak, of not being able to give someone parts of me that were stolen when I was young.
In the blink of an eye, all that fear was replaced with the sign I’d told David about earlier.Feel the fear and do it anyway.
Did I have it in me to try? If I picked up the phone and called my therapist, Dr. Gryle would tell me to make a list. Write out my fears and list steps on how to move past them. Blue had suggested I throw away my lists.
I didn’t know how to live without them, yet I wanted to be able to the way I had all day.
David made me laugh and had a body I could possibly never tire of exploring. More importantly, earlier, I had felt safe with him. And that wasn’t something I’d ever experienced with a man. But would he stick around when he learned the full of weight of my burden?
There was only one way to find out.
Trina’s gaze softened, and I sat back, thinking…planning…and then I scrapped it all and threw away the mental list I’d created.
No lists.
No planning.
“I’m going to take off,” I said, then slid from my stool. I tossed some cash on the table for my drinks and watched Trina and Chelsea smile up at me. “I have something I need to do.”
I turned and walked away, but I was still close enough when I heard Chelsea whisper, “Or someone…”
I didn’t look back, but I lifted my hand and flashed my friend my middle finger.
It only made her laugh harder, but I held on to the beauty of that sound as I hurried back to David’s bungalow, knees shaking, fingers trembling…determined.
To at leasttryto move forward.
