Page 136 of Graevale
Alex pushed away her line of thought and shoved back her chair, causing all eyes to swing her way again.
“I’m sorry,” she said, her voice a dull monotone, the only thing she could manage. “I asked Soraya to take me where I needed to be, but I think I’ve heard enough for now, and I can’t imagine that you need me here while you hash out the details of whatever alliance you agree to.” She swallowed against her tear-dry throat. “I’d appreciate if someone could fill me in on your plans after they’re finalised, but for now, I need to—I need to—” Alex didn’t know how to finish, because what she truly needed wasn’t possible. “I need to return to the academy and check on my friends.”
She didn’t care if she had their permission to leave, since she’d never had their permission to arrive, but she still received nods of agreement from the king and queen, as well as Nisha. Jeera reached out to squeeze her arm, but Alex felt too cold—too numb—to feel it.
“Take it easy, kid,” Drock told her. “And rest up. You look like—”
She would never know what he was about to say, since Azalia interrupted in a whisper-soft voice, the only Shadow Walker to speak since Alex had arrived.
All she offered were six words, but they spoke volumes.
“For what it’s worth, we’re sorry.”
Clenching her jaw against snapping back in the face of the apology, Alex merely nodded her head and reached out for Soraya.
She didn’t have to give the wolf a command before they disappeared in a blur of lightning and shadows, heading back to the academy.
Thirty-Four
Darrius was waiting in the Med Ward.
Soraya delivered Alex straight there from Tryllin, the wolf somehow knowing that she was unable to stomach the sight oflaendraright now, let alone use it to heal her injuries. Not when it had failed her… not when it had failed Niyx.
While Fletcher was busy working to bring life back to Alex’s frostbitten, grave-bloodied hands and healing the rest of the wounds she’d received during the battle, the headmaster quietly told her that Jordan and D.C. had gone back to Woodhaven to be with Bear and his family. Darrius also suggested Alex join them as soon as she could, excusing all four of them from classes for as long as they needed.
But Alex couldn’t go to Woodhaven.
Numb. That’s how she felt.
She couldn’t offer Bear comfort, not when all she felt was despair.
It wouldn’t be fair of her to bring her own suffering to his family, not when the Ronnigans needed strength right now.
It also wouldn’t be fair to expect the consolation her friends might offer her, not when Bear needed them, not when they would never be able to comprehend the depth of her own loss.
None of them had known Niyx in life. And because of that, none of them would understand him in death.
So after offering Darrius an emotionless briefing on what had transpired in Graevale, followed by what she’d heard at the oval table in Tryllin, Alex left the Med Ward, ignoring the concerned eyes of her doctor and headmaster. She assured them she was fine, that she was going back to her dormitory to pack before leaving to be with her friends.
She didn’t lie about going to her dorm. But after showering the memory of the battle from her skin until she was scrubbed raw, she didn’t go to Woodhaven.
She went to the Library.
Sitting curled up on the hard stone floor of the cavern with her arms wrapped tightly around her legs and Soraya’s comforting presence by her side, Alex looked across the river to the other side of the rocky space, reminiscing about the first time she’d seen the doorway back to her world. If she’d only stepped through it then, none of this would be happening.
Aven never would have returned to Meya.
Alex never would have travelled to the past.
And everything else that resulted never would have occurred.
Niyx. Lady Mystique. William. Even Skyla. Their deaths were on Alex’s hands.
Staring out into the empty cave, for the first time since arriving in Medora, all Alex wanted to do was leave. Return to Freya with her parents and forget everything she had done. Everything she had caused. Everything she would face if she stayed.
But she knew she couldn’t leave. Because while she had lost much, there was still more to lose.
Niyx was gone. But many remained. And Alex couldn’t abandon them. Even in death, Niyx would never forgive her for that.
