Page 83 of Hendrix
But that wasn’t an excuse to steamroll his way through life and decide what was best for everybody else.
He loved me, I knew it back then and I didn’t doubt it now, and at least I finally had the answers I needed. But what would happen next time he believed I’d be better without him? Would he leave me, or worse, leave my child?
Hendrix obviously had insecurities that ran deep, and I wasn’t sure I was a match for them. Maybe nobody would be able to beat them back, least of all him. I felt terrible about what he’d been through but a part of me couldn’t help feeling frustrated with him because we’d lost something good for a reason that didn’t exist. The problems he’d created in his head weren’t even issues for me.
I had to think this over and talk it through with somebody.
And then I needed to decide once and for all if Hendrix was worth the risk to my heart.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
HENDRIX
The days turned into weeks, and spring turned into a scorching hot summer. Jobs came in and were completed, including the extraction of a diplomat in the Middle East. Colt brought us in to help him foil a Russian cyber-attack by exposing a spy ring in Washington as part of his FBI work, and we also helped with taking down a kid who was planning to shoot up his school.
Changes were taking place, the main one being Fender and his kids arriving at the club.
Honestly, I was shocked at the change in my brother.
Back when I was VP in Wyoming, Fender was easygoing, quick to smile and joke, and was what I’d have called a more laid-back and eager-to-please member of the crew.
The changes in him were drastic, to say the least, not just emotionally but physically, too.
He’d been sinewy and clean of ink before Ashley’s death. Now, he was covered in tattoos and had gained a good fifty pounds of muscle. His smile was non-existent, and his face seemed constantly shadowed with a mix of torment and rage. He only spoke when he was spoken to or when he had to sort his kids, which in itself was weird, seeing as they seemed to be looking after themselves more than anything.
His girl, Addison, was quiet, sweet, and obviously loved her dad and brothers, but she’d been starved of female attention. It seemed natural that she’d turn to the women of the club and was constantly attached to Anna, Carina or Gigi, and some days, even Cece.
Fender’s boys, Elliot and Cooper, were all about the rough and tumble and loved being around the men. They earned a fortune washing bikes and trucks and could usually be found in our new auto shop, fetching and carrying for the team of brothers who were in the process of setting it up.
Fender was in charge of the garage. He was a talented mechanic and had even helped Bowie custom design bikes on occasion. There wasn’t a motorcycle he couldn’t build or a vehicle he couldn’t fix, so in that way, he was an asset to the club. I just wished he’d open up to someone because his withdrawal from life and lack of emotional attachments—even to his kids—worried me.
Still, he was in the best place, and I knew one day something or someone would break through. He seemed good with the whole keep on keeping on thing. We just had to give him time and space to get himself and the kids to a place where they could smile easy again.
Anna was doing well, and she was blooming with her pregnancy.
Her tiredness and aches disappeared as she hit the six-month mark, along with the air of exhaustion that had plagued her. We were getting along great, but I knew she was holding herself back from fully committing to me. As much as I tried to get to the bottom of why, she wasn’t talking.
Still, I felt we were building something again, and I loved having her back in my life. She’d always made me feel as if I could achieve anything. Her quick smile and banter made me laugh daily, and the brothers radiated toward her warmth like moths to a flame.
The three years without her had been my darkest days, and considering I’d been close to death in the jungles of Borneo, that said a lot. Anna brought something to my life I’d never had before. Maybe it was her femininity because her very presence relaxed me and helped me soften and not take myself too seriously. I still had an edge, and I always would; it was who I was, but Anna and the baby brought out a tenderness in me that I never knew I possessed. She was smart and helped me talk through problems, and she had a moral compass I’d always admired. She cared about people and showed them through soft smiles and touches. Much like Carina, she wanted to see people looked after, maybe because the baby growing inside her belly brought out her maternal instincts.
She was the perfect ol’ lady to the president of a motorcycle club, and every day, I viewed her as a partner more and more, even though we hadn’t made anything official. That wasn’t to say I didn’t get bogged down with the responsibility now and again, but I handled it by talking to Dad or Blade instead of running for the hills.
The only threat rearing its ugly head went by the name of Adrian Lis.
He called Colt constantly, asking after Anna and insisting they speak. The funerals of Antoni and the other men had passed without a hitch, and we were clear and free.
Anna had signed the house over to the Lis family under the guise that she’d left him and didn’t feel entitled to any of it. In truth, when she discovered the proceeds were from drugs, she wasn’t comfortable living large from it, though Adrian insisted she took the money from the sale of the house for the baby, which eventually, she did under duress.
As much as Colt tried to put Lis off, he wasn’t going away. It was becoming a bone of contention because Anna had started to hint she should speak to him to see what he wanted, and I wasn’t down with that whatso-fucking-ever.
It was the reason we were holed up in Church.
Adrian Lis had called Colt again that morning and demanded to speak to Anna. It was becoming a problem, one that I wanted to take care of permanently, but Colt disagreed.
My tech man’s voice cut through my thoughts.
“Hannigan wants to see how it plays out. You may have a license to kill, Prez, but it don’t mean you gotta shoot every fucker who darkens your path.”
