I run into his arms. He stumbles back a step; it takes him a moment to gather his wits about him to return the gesture. We stand there for a moment, arms wrapped around each other before I release him. With his eyes trained on me, he slips his hands into his pockets in a relaxed manner, we smile at each other before he pulls his brows together, glancing down. Out of his pocket he pulls a phone.Jesse’s phone.
“I — uh, here.” Dad passes me the phone. “I guess there is never going to be a right time to do this.” Glancing between Tanner and myself, he pauses before continuing, “He made me promise to get this to you if he didn’t — you know … He said something about a video.”
Tanner mumbles something under his breath and walks off out of the room. Tightening my grip on the phone I hold it to my chest. “Thank you.”
Placing the phone on the charger, I pop on a playlist for some background noise and pour myself a drink, a little heavy handed on the gin but surely it’s after twelve o’clock by now.
Two thick, tanned arms lock me against the kitchen island and I spin in a tight circle meeting the wall of muscle that is Tanner’s chest. “How are you even comfortable to sleep on at night?” I think out loud, which earns me a chuckle.
“We need to talk.” He cocks his head to the side, waiting on an answer to a question he didn’t ask.
“Sure.” I nod. “Let’s sit.” He leads us over to the couch and I place my drink down on the coffee table. Lifting my gaze, I slowly roam his features. Dark circles sit below his eyes; heavy and lost. His shoulders fall forward, unlike his usual stance; radiating confidence, so tall and broad. I don’t think I have really stopped to think how this would be affecting him.
“I’m sorry,” I begin to say, but he cuts me off.
“Kins, stop, you do not need to apologise. I just need to get this off my chest, I need you to hear me. Walking away from you was the hardest thing I have ever had to fucking do. Jesse was the only reason I didn’t refuse to leave; I knew he would do anything to protect you. He was the next best thing other than being here myself. But with Jesse gone, his protection isn’t an option anymore. I need you to promise me that you’ll never ask me to do that again — I won’t do it. I’ll never leave you.” He rubs the back of his head in contemplation. “I’d rather keep you locked up against your will, than let you push me away again.” I lift a brow, challenging him. The way his eyes are locked on mine should be intimidating; the serious tone in his voice hasn’t faltered and there isn’t even a hint of a smirk on his face — he’s serious. “I was always content with being the villain in your story, Pip.”
Tanner reaches out and I take his hand, climbing onto his lap. His hands go straight to my hips, keeping me steady. Holding his eye contact and allowing myself to get lost in his deep blue orbs, the seconds pass before I finally find the courage to whisper my truth. “I’m in love with you, Tanner Hayes.”
* * *
The next morning, I make my way into the kitchen, flicking on the coffee machine and popping on some gentle music for some background noise, before reaching for two mugs. Dad has already left; he’s gone to visit Marie and take Lou-loo for a play. My eyes drift to Jesse’s phone, still on the charger. Picking it up, I power it on.
“Want some company?” Tanner’s eyes stray to Jesse’s phone in my hands.
“That would be nice, but —”
Tanner silences me with a short and sweet peck to the lips. “Whatever Jesse says on there, and however that makes you feel —” he takes my hands in his, “—I’m not going anywhere, it won’t change anything for me.”
His reassurance is comforting because deep down, I am scared. I’m terrified. My head is a mess. All I know is, I loved Jesse in a way no one can ever compete with.
The song switches over toIf I Would Have Known — Kyle Humeand we stand frozen for a moment.
“Should I turn this off? I know how music can, well —”
I butt in before he can call me out for playing music on the days I want to feel certain emotions. There is nothing wrong with a dance party to burn off your frustration or having a playlist for when you need a good cry.
I muster up half a smile. “Nah, let the song play.”
Taking my hand, we snuggle up on the couch. I take a big gulp of my drink and unlock Jesse’s phone, bringing up his videos. Sure enough, his bright green eyes are staring at me through the screen . With a shaky hand, I press my thumb to the play button.
“Hey, Meadow.”
A gasp leaves me with the sound of Jesse’s voice and I slap a hand over my mouth. Tanner’s arms tighten around me, keeping me grounded.
“I know you’re angry right now — fuck. I’m so fucking sorry.
I need you to know that I’m doing this for you;we are doing this for you.Kyle made a sacrifice, now it’s my turn. I need to go and finish what he started — I need to bring your dad home.
I want you to know that whatever happens, you are not alone. Kyle chose me and now I’m choosing Tanner.”
Tears well in my eyes and Tanner drops his head against my shoulder.
“It’s always been you for me, Kinsley, and it’s one of my biggest regrets not telling you sooner. But I made a promise to look after you, to be there for you and I would like to believe every decision I have made has had your best intentions in mind.
He pauses, ruffling his wild mousey blonde locks, a nervous habit I had come to love.
“When I get back, because I am coming back, please just don’t let Tanner hit me.”
