Page 49 of The Cold Ride
“You’re that old.”
I ruffled her hair. “Retire from the Navy. I’ll still need to work. And I’ll move here.”
“Will you live here with us?”
No. That wasn’t what I meant. “Um, perhaps. If not here, I’ll find a place close by. That way we can see each other as much as we want. Sound like a plan?”
Her smile took my breath away. “That would be amazing. You could come to my soccer games.”
“I could do a lot more than that. But this is where I want to retire.” Because I wanted to see her grow up. I wanted to see who she would turn out to be.
“So Dad, are you going to ask Mom to marry you?” she asked, pegging me with an earnest expression.
I choked on my coffee, inhaling it down the wrong tube. My eyes watered as I sucked in air and coughed. I pounded against my chest and loudly cleared my throat. “What? Why would you ask that question? Where would you get that idea?”
“Well, because I saw you leave her room this morning. It’s the same thing my friend Kelly’s stepdad used to do before Kelly’s mom and him got married. So are you?” There was such eager hope in her eyes. I didn’t want to squelch it.
But I also didn’t want to lie to her. It put me square between a rock and a hard place. Difficult positions were my forte. “I’m sure this isn’t the first time you’ve seen a man coming out of your Mom’s room.”
And yeah, I was fishing. Was it wrong that I was asking my nine-year-old if her mom had other men over? Most likely. But I still asked anyway. I was too curious about her life. And I realized I was acting like I didn’t trust Rory. Yet there was a part of me that didn’t fully. Given our track record, I figured it was an understandable position.
Amelia shook her head. “Yes, it is. She’s never had a man in the house. I mean, she’s had men come in to fix stuff at the inn and all. But they never came in here.”
There’s no way Rory hadn’t had a man over in all this time. She wasn’t a nun, nor had she taken a vow of chastity. “I see. It’s complicated, squirt.”
And I realized that Rory and I needed to sit down and talk—like adults. What a novel concept. We needed to clear the air and figure out where we wanted to take our relationship. Because we were in one, but we couldn’t keep sneaking around. Rory warned me we had to be careful because of Amelia. At the time, I thought she was feeding me a line because she was ashamed of hooking up with a past one-night stand and preferred keeping me her dirty little secret. But maybe not. I wouldn’t know until I could talk to Rory.
“So, you don’t want to be with Mom?” she asked with a frown.
Shit. I was bungling this. I never realized how hard it was being a parent. Because the way Amelia was studying me broke my fucking heart. Disappointment swam in her cornflower blue eyes. And it was the absolute last thing I ever wanted to do. “It’s not that. We’ve just got some grownup stuff we’re working through. But you’ll be the first to know what we decide, okay?”
“Just don’t hurt her. Mom’s not as strong as she pretends to be.”
“No? Cause I think your Mom is one of the strongest people I know.” Even though I disagreed with her choice in not telling me about Amelia, I was beginning to understand just how much work raising a kid could be. And it floored me that she’d done it all by herself. Because she had done a fabulous job with Amelia.
Amelia snorted and rolled her eyes. “That’s because you haven’t heard her in her room crying. She doesn’t do it often. But I know she worries a lot.”
Oh boy, was the sass going to be strong with her when she hit her teenage years. But the thought of Rory crying alone had my heart aching. Why had she been crying? I was at a loss over how to help since I would be so far away.
“I’m not going to hurt her.” Or I would do my best not to.
“I’m going to clean up breakfast. If you’re done, why don’t you get dressed so we can head into the backyard. Dress in layers because it’s cold out.”
“Okay, Dad.” She rose and carried her plate and cup to the sink.
And when she left me alone in the kitchen, I leaned against the counter, praying Rory and I could figure our shit out. Or we were going to hurt Amelia. And it was the absolute last thing I ever wanted to do.
20
10 Years Ago
Yanking my shirt on over my head, I took off after her. But she was fast. And she had gotten a head start. Normally I was much faster, but my body still rode the endorphin high from being with her. The last hour or so with Rory had been the best of my life. I’d never connected with another woman that way. It hadn’t been just sex for me. It had been the promise of something more, the potential for an amazing future. And I believed in my soul she was meant for me.
But how had a night that started with me touching heaven end in hell?
Fuck! What happened? Why had she freaked?
I searched through faces as I rejoined the party at a sprint, slowing my stride because I didn’t want to alarm anyone. They were all servicemen and women, and my hurry would arouse suspicions.
